Healing the Past

By Isa Akane B.

Detention wasn't a pleasant thing. Especially when it had to take place under Snape's supervising. Harry sighed and sneezed as he shook the dust off his cloth by the small window. This was a House-Elf's job, not a student's (and he knew Hermione would have been mad at him for that thought). But of course it had been the point of Snape's choice of activity: reducing Harry to a House-Elf for a few hours. Dusting off shelves wasn't that difficult, after all. The difficulty in it was to try not to think of what was floating in the jars on said shelves. And not to make any of them fall.

Harry turned slightly and looked discretely as he heard a knock on the door. Snape opened it and spoke briefly with someone the boy didn't manage to identify, then turned back to Harry.

"I'm leaving you for a few minutes. Don't break anything."

The boy sighed again as the door closed. Alone, at last. He was going to be able to stop sneezing for a few minutes, then. He looked around him a few seconds. In his four previous years at Hogwarts he had only been there for a very few times and it always made him feel uneasy. There were strange things around the room. As he looked around, something silvery caught his eyes. It reminded him... could it be...? He walked towards the slightly open cupboard and looked inside. That was it. A Pensieve. He couldn't believe someone like Snape would want to keep memories in such a thing. He just couldn't believe the man would want to have memories of anything else than his potions.

He looked around then cautiously pulled the cupboard door open and leaned. He was suddenly very curious to know what was in there. Surely, a few seconds wouldn't be dangerous. He had done it once, he wouldn't let himself be drawn in it again. He leaned a bit more, looked in the silvery substance... and fell forward. As he straightened he was standing by Snape's side above the Quidditch pitch. Snape was looking up and muttering. He remembered what this scene was. As he looked up he saw himself trying to hold his grip on his suddenly wild broom. As he let himself be caught by his thoughts about that first Quidditch match he didn't realize that the scene was changing. He was now in the Potions class, facing himself once again. It felt awkward and weird. Then the scene changed again and he was... asleep under a tree near the lake? What kind of memory was that? Then a new one, of himself with Ron, looking from outside at the start of term's feast after their spectacular arrival, while Snape was arriving behind them. His first second year day at Hogwarts.

He felt himself being suddenly pulled backward, away from the scene, and fear overwhelmed him. It could only mean that more time than he thought had passed. He shook his head and looked slowly up, afraid of meeting Snape's eyes. The man's voice trembled slightly, showing his barely suppressed anger.

"What did you think you were doing? I can't even trust you!"

Harry slowly backed away. Something in the man's eyes and voice was wrong. He had seen him angry before, but this time it was different.

"I... I–I'm sorry! I didn't mean... I was just surprised, I... I didn't know you had a Pensieve..."

"Surprise or curiosity can't give you the right to act so untrustworthily! Who do you think you are?!"

As Harry was trying to escape him, Snape trapped him against his desk. Something was wrong. Something was really wrong! Unable to move, Harry watched him lock the office door with a quick spell. Then to his horror then man leaned, his face only a few inches away. He felt his wrists gripped firmly against the desk, the hard wood painfully pressing against his lower back.

"This behavior is unforgivable, Mr Potter. Don't think I'll just blush and ask you to remain silent about it. Anyhow, I know you won't be able to remain silent. You can never follow any rule or order!"

Snape looked into the boy's frightened eyes for a few seconds. Long enough to feel himself drowning in them. Remembering him his feelings. His need. Lust. The boy's body pressed against him... his warmth... He turned Harry around, forcing him to bend on the desk. The boy couldn't stop him, his wrists still clutched tightly in one of the man's stronger hands. He felt his robes pulled apart, his trousers and underwear falling around his ankles and before he even got the time to realize he was half naked, a hand was muffling his yell as he felt an unbearable pain in his ass. His mind seemed to run away for a while, not wanting to acknowledge what was happening, away from the fear, shame and pain. It didn't last long, though, and Harry only distantly heard Snape's loud grunt as he came.

A few seconds later the man seemed to wake from a trance and looked at the boy's face with horror. Silent tears had been running along a very pale cheek. All he could feel was guilt, something he wasn't used to. He couldn't have just done it. It was impossible. Not to that boy, not that way. Everything was silent in the room. Harry didn't move, he didn't dare. He felt a strange tickling and knew that the man was using a Cleaning Charm on him. His whole body had been freed but he just couldn't move. Then he was clothed again and he felt hands helping him to stand and turning him around. He blinked a few times and seemed to wake, or to come back to his body. The tears were gently brushed away from his cheeks by trembling fingers. Then the man talked, in a voice Harry had never heard before. There was something that strangely sounded like sorrow in it.

"Your detention is over. Go."

Harry didn't even show any sign of wanting to answer. He just turned, headed to the door and left. Snape looked at his shaking hands. His whole body seemed to be shaking. He sat heavily in his armchair, suddenly unable to stand. That was it. He had finaly become the monster students thought he was. But in a very different kind of way. A worse kind of way. Soon he would lose his job, then he would go to Azkaban. He deserved it, after all. It wasn't what was upseting him the most. How would he be able to appologize to Harry? There was no way he could appologize, after all. What he'd done was unforgivable.

A few days passed, long days while he waited for people from the Ministry to come to take him away. He wondered if he would even have a trial, considering his past. But they didn't come, and almost a week had passed. Snape was fearing the next day, as he would have to teach Gryffindor. He would have to face Harry again. He had been avoiding his eyes in the Great Hall, but now it would be impossible. Really impossible, as they had finally come for him. Two men were waiting for him with Dumbledore at the doors of the Dungeons. That was Azkaban for him. Dumbledore looked at him with eyes that didn't have their usual twinkling but where a lot of emotions were mixing. Snape didn't dare looking back at him.

"I didn't want any student to see you go, I didn't want them to know what happened. For both you and Harry. And... Severus, I'm not the one who called these men."

Snape nodded silently then followed the two men.

As he headed back to his office the Headmaster found a very pissed Harry arguing with an angry Hermione.

"I never asked you anything! I shouldn't have told you anything. It was none of your business."

"But Harry, this man is a monster!"

"Miss Granger, I must ask you to stop talking so loud. And if it's not too late, I want you to remain silent about what had happened. Harry doesn't deserve people knowing his... personal problems."

"But this man is a criminal, everybody must know it."

"Miss Granger, before gossiping, I would advise you to get some more informations about the person you are talking about. You don't know anything about Professor Snape, and I deeply regret Harry talked to you about what happened instead of coming to me first!"

Neither of them had ever seen or heard the Headmaster that angry. Dumbledore left towards his office and Harry rushed to the dormitory, leaving Hermione alone in the empty corridor. Alone and speechless, which was a first.

Long days had turned into long weeks then into months. Snape couldn't tell how much time he had spent with the Dementors. Sometimes he even forgot why he was there. Or who he was. Then the horror came back, thanks to the presence of these awful guardians. And now he was hallucinating, imagining seeing his former Headmaster coming to visit him. Then a gentle, soft voice reached his ears and sneaked into what was left of his brain. He shook his head and heard it again.

"Severus..."

He blinked and realized that Dumbledore was really there. And his cell's door was open.

"Albus?..."

His voice only came out as a cracking whisper. He hadn't talked to anyone for... how many time?

"Come, Severus."

"...can't..."

With a strength Snape didn't suspect he possessed, Dumbledore lifted him from the floor and dragged him out of the cell, past angry Dementors, towards... light... freedom... then darkness again, as he passed out. When he came to his senses, he was lying on his bed, the Headmaster sitting on a chair by his side. The old wizard offered him something to drink, then he felt slightly better. At least his head felt clearer. Too clear, maybe, as he was suddenly aware of everything that had happened and was happening.

"Do you feel better, now?"

The voice was gentle. Snape nodded.

"Albus... why am I here? Why did you take me back? I thought... How long have I been in Azkaban?"

"A little more than two months. But I'm certain you felt it was years."

"Yes. Why did they free me? I should still be there."

"I'm not sure I share your opinion, but that's not the point. You're here because–"

A discret knock on the door interrupted him. He left Severus and answered then came back alone.

"You have a visit. I'll let that person explain everything to you. You should come and sit in your office, though."

Severus rose and went to his office, holding himself on every wall or piece of furniture on the way there. He felt still tired and weak. When he finally sat heavily in his armchair Dumbledore opened the door.

"I won't spy on you, but if anything goes wrong, I'll somehow know it and I'll come. But... I'm certain everything will be alright."

He left and someone else entered the room hesitantly. Severus groaned.

"Good afternoon, Sir."

"Potter, you shouldn't be there."

"And you shouldn't have been to Azkaban. Nobody should go there."

"Does it mean you've been talking with your godfather about this wonderful place?"

"He told me more than I wanted to know about that place."

"And I'm sure he was happier than anyone to know I was finally there."

Harry shrugged. He took a chair and sat in front of the man. He studied him for a while. Dumbledore had told him he had changed a lot, but Harry hadn't really been prepared to that. Snape's voice wasn't as cold as before. Still velvety, but not hard. He sounded a lot like a broken man. His hair had grown past his shoulders. It could have made him look younger if his cheeks hadn't become that hollow and his skin parched. And that lock... Snape winced as Harry's hand came to his head, thinking he was going to hit him. But the boy only caught a lock between his fingers.

"Did you look at yourself? I can't believe you've changed that much. You have a lock of white hair there."

"White hair?"

Harry laughed gently.

"I guess even in that state a part of you didn't want your hair to turn grey. You wouldn't look as frightful, so only a lock agreed to turn white. You know, that happens when people have a great shock, or an accident. Some emotion that's too violent."

"Is it... had it happened to you too? After... that day?"

"No."

They both looked at some suddenly extremely interesting pattern on the floor for a while.

"Potter, I'm... I'm sorry. I know it won't change anything, but... I didn't want something like this to happen.."

"I guess so. Well, I think you wanted to know why we managed to free you. Some Death Eaters discovered where you were and knew what you were. I mean, a spy. And they wanted to pay you a little visit. We just couldn't afford to lose you. We need you by our side."

"... That's what Albus told the Ministry?"

"That's what *we* told."

Snape didn't want to know if what had been told was the truth or a half lie to get him out. What was intriguing him was the fact that Harry seemed to have helped. There was a knock at the door and Albus entered the room, something heavy in his arms.

"So, Severus, did Harry explain you how we got you out? Here, I brought you your Pensieve. I had removed it just after you left, in case anyone would be tempted to look at it again. I think you'll need to get some of your memories out of your head."

He knew the Headmaster hadn't looked at his memories but he was certain Harry had said something about the content, or else the Pensieve would never have left the room.

"And here's your wand. Now, Harry, we must let Severus rest. Come."

They left the room and Snape stared at the silvery substance with fear and hate. It was all its fault, after all. If it hadn't been there Harry would have never looked inside. And then... nothing would have happened. But there were so many memories he had been able to save there. He sighed and started filling the Pensieve with all the horrors he wanted to take away from his mind. All but one. He couldn't put it there and give anybody a chance to see what abomination he'd done to Harry. And putting it there would mean taking it away from his tortured soul. And he couldn't free himself from that. His suffering in Azkaban had been stopped but he thought he still deserved this pain.

He turned his head at a sound coming from the fireplace. Harry was getting out of it with a tray.

"I would never get used to Floo-traveling... But Professor Dumbledore thinks it's best not to let people see me entering this room. Here, I brought you something to eat. You really need it, you know. Oh, and this."

"Chocolate frog? You know, I'm too old for chocolate frogs."

"What are you talking about? If you just don't want the card, I'll take it for Ginny. Professor Lupin gave me chocolate after my encounters with Dementors. He seemed to think it was the best... cure. You've spent too much time with these monsters, it can only be good for you to eat some of this."

"You're mistaking, Potter. *I* am the monster, here."

Harry stopped himself from smacking the man's head. He sighed instead.

"Eat. And the frog, too."

He was about to leave when he turned to face the man again.

"You know... I know more about you than you think."

He went back to the fireplace and Floo-ed away. What did than mean? What could the boy know about him? Some unpleasant and disturbing memories came back to him. He shook them off and quickly ate, finishing his meal with the chocolate, then went to bed. He really needed to rest.

Snape had an awful sleep, haunted by dreams of dark cell and Dementors. But when he opened his eyes he was surrounded by light and he remembered where he was. There was a sweet smell in the room and he thought it was what woke him. Hot chocolate. So Potter was certainly around. He closed his eyes when he heard the cheerful voice, trying to pretend he was still asleep. Cheerful... how could the boy be cheerful near him? Was he really stupid?

"Good morning, Sir! Did you sleep well? I brought you breakfast. Since nobody's supposed to know you're here, we couldn't send House-Elves to take care of you and this place."

"So brave young Potter volunteered, then?"

"You know, you should train again on your voice. It doesn't have its old effect anymore. If you're to terrify students again, you should consider–"

"I won't be teaching anymore! Don't you realize that? I can't! I won't be allowed near a student anymore! And you shouldn't even be there..."

"Professor Dumbledore is keeping an eye on me."

"So he doesn't trust me anymore. But I guess he's right."

"Maybe I'm the one he doesn't trust. Maybe he thinks I'm going to try to kill you."

"Don't be stupid, Potter. You couldn't hurt anyone. You're a Gryffindor, remember."

"Not completely Gryffindor... Just like... someone else."

Snape looked up coldly.

"What do you mean?"

"Nothing. Drink your chocolate, it's getting cold."

The man looked at the proffered tray: hot chocolate, chocolate cake, chocolate cookies. Either the boy was obsessed or he wanted him to gain weight quickly. He glared at the boy.

"Didn't you find something edible?"

"Anyone else wouldn't even bother looking after you, so shut up and eat that damn breakfast!"

He looked at his stunned ex-teacher and blushed.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't talk to you like this. Please, you need to regain your strength, eat."

"What for? I'm strong enough to make potions, that's the only use I can be for Albus."

Harry sat next to the bed and watched Snape eat in silence. He would never have thought that he would sit there one day. It was both strange and funny, but somehow he hoped he would never have had that opportunity. He looked around and noticed the place needed some cleaning. Two months of dust, after all.

"It looks like I need to play the dutiful House-Elf in your rooms."

Snape shuddered and looked away as he realized what memories this sentence had brought back.

"I won't touch anything, this time, and I'll just use cleaning spells."

"You'd better. I... I have another personal object I don't want people to see. And as you seem to be unable to keep your eyes away from what you're not supposed to see..."

They both smiled slightly, thinking about Harry's bad habit of getting into trouble due to his curiosity.

"And to avoid me more trouble by finding out by myself... would you satisfy my curiosity and tell me what it is?"

"Don't you think you're getting a bit too far?"

"I'm just taking advantage of the situation."

"And I guess I won't get rid of you unless I speak... Alright, it's another kind of Pensieve. One where I keep... some of my dreams. Now, you must be happy, your despised Potions Master is a silly sentimental."

"No. I think dreams can be useful. It's a way to satisfy our fantasies and to take away our fears."

Harry stood and took the empty tray away.

"I let you for now. I should bring you lunch later. I'll clean the place, then."

Snape frowned as he watched the boy leave the room. What was he doing? He should have wanted him back in Azkaban. Or dead. Instead he was taking care of him like a nurse. And he seemed to be pitying him. And what did he mean when he told him he knew him better than he thought? He got out of bed and headed to the bathroom unsteadily. Maybe he wasn't ready to get back to his cauldron, after all. And what was that silly chocolate fixation? He didn't like chocolate. Well, someone like him shouldn't like chocolate. He tried not to drown under the shower. He got out, dried himself and finally decided to take a look at the mirror. He gasped. He could barely recognize himself. Now he understood the surprise he had seen on the boy's face the previous day, and why he insisted in practically feeding him. And why he was pitying him. He caught sight of the white lock, too. It gave him a strange untidy look. That wasn't important, after all. The only two persons who would be seeing him didn't seem to care. He dressed and waited for lunchtime to come. He didn't have anything else to do, after all.

Harry came as promised. Snape feared the boy would have managed to compose a chocolate-only lunch but to his relief it was a perfectly normal meal. With chocolate cake and a chocolate frog for dessert, of course. And...

"What's this?"

"Oh, I hope you won't mind, I've been looking into some of your books for some potion that could help you regain strength quickly."

"You made this yourself?"

Harry beamed.

"Yes!"

"Then I could be in trouble drinking it."

"Why are you always so mean with me when it comes to Potions? It took me a lot of time to do this, I wanted it to be perfect. But no, you still think I'm barely better than Neville at this."

Snape felt guilty. Why did he have to feel guilty when it came to Harry?

"Alright, I was wrong. See? I'll drink it."

He swallowed quickly and considered feigning death. But it was definitely not a Potions master's behavior. Harry smiled, satisfied. Once again the boy waited by his teacher's side, watching him as he ate. The silence was getting awkward to the man, so Snape tried to fill it with anything he could.

"So, who's teaching Potions, now?"

"Professor Dumbledore. He's told everybody you had to leave for a while for personal reasons. As you can guess, it didn't bother much people, maybe a Slytherin or two, to know you were away."

Snape felt relieved that the job hadn't been given to an incompetent fool. He suddenly missed his cauldron and the smell of roots and other ingredients.

"I guess it's everybody's favorite class, then."

"Yes. But somehow... something's missing. The thrill of doing something wrong and getting a detention, I think."

Silence again. This time Harry talked first.

"Do you want me to stay for a while?"

"What about classes? Don't think I'll give you the opportunity to miss school."

"It's Sunday."

"I didn't know."

"You lost track of time in there, didn't you? Hagrid told me it happened to him, too. And he hadn't been there for long, too."

"...What did you mean, yesterday, when you said you knew me?"

"What did you see when the Dementors where around?"

"That's none of your business. And you're not answering my question."

"I am, however. You know, I've realized we have some things in common."

"We don't!"

"No. I'm luckier than you've been. I've only heard my parents dying, when I was near the Dementors. What did you see? What did you hear? A little boy crying? Calling for parents who would never come back? An abused child trying to run away from his uncle? Beaten and raped?"

Snape closed his eyes and sighed painfully.

"How do you know? How did you find out? It's Albus, isn't it? He tried to excuse my... error by giving the excuse of my past."

"No. I had to find out by myself. Finding out that you'd lost your parents when you were a baby and that you've been raised by your uncle was easy. When I found something about the man dying in a 'magic accident' when you were eight I thought it was strange. You were living with him alone, and House-Elves wouldn't have killed their master."

"It was an accident. I... I was too young to understand the consequences of my act."

"But he was old enough to understand he was slowly destroying you."

"I didn't want to destroy you."

"You haven't. And I didn't want to kill you. I've hated you more than ever, then, but I didn't want your death."

"You shouldn't be here and we shouldn't be discussing this."

"Why did you choose Slytherin?"

"Is that a confession from the Sorting Hat, now?"

"No, from the Headmaster. Why did you choose the darker path? You could have been in Gryffindor."

"I'm not like you, Potter."

"I think you are. You just wanted to prove yourself you were a bad kid. That's what your uncle was certainly telling you. He was saying he was making you pay for being such a bad little boy, wasn't he? And you wanted it to be true, just to prove yourself you deserved what had happened to you. That was giving a reason to your pain."

"Shut up! I don't want to hear that anymore."

His voice broke into a sob and Harry had to stop himself from taking the man in his arms. He just couldn't see him as the frightening Potions master anymore. He had a broken grown up little boy in front of him instead.

"I'm sorry. Maybe I should go."

"No! Stay... please..."

Maybe Harry had been wrong, maybe he shouldn't have talked about this. He hadn't expected such reaction from that man. He pulled his chair closer to him, their knees almost touching.

"Is that why you hate students? Because you think they had a happy childhood and you're somehow jealous?"

"Is that what you deduced? No, I don't hate them. I just... think being tough with them will make them want to try to go beyond their limit. Make them strong. If I had been strong when I was a child... maybe..."

"That wouldn't have changed anything. You couldn't have done anything to protect yourself. But now that I understand your way of teaching... well, it makes sense."

They remained silent for a while, both lost in their own dark thoughts, then Harry rose.

"I must go, I still have some homework to finish. I'll come later to bring your dinner. Oh, and... I didn't denounce you to the Ministry. Hermione did."

"What? Miss Perfect-Student did something against a teacher?"

"She and Ron saw something was wrong when... when I came back from my detention that night. They asked questions but I said it was nothing. Ron didn't insist, but she kept asking questions. And I needed to talk to someone. And I made the mistake of talking to her. I didn't think she would do something like this. She didn't even tell me she was going to do it."

A few days passed with the same routine. Snape was woken by Harry bringing him breakfast, then he waited the whole morning for Harry's visit with his lunch, then he waited all afternoon for Harry's last visit of the day with his dinner. He still couldn't understand why Harry was insisting on taking care of him instead of letting the Headmaster do it. They didn't talk of anything about their past or the incident or Azkaban anymore. Snape was getting healthier. His hands weren't shaking anymore and he considered trying to make some potions. His body had returned to its usual state. Even his voice had its old chilling effect when he wanted to. But nothing in his mind had changed since his return.

He was sitting in his favorite armchair, waiting for Harry's next visit, when a dark figure came sliding silently towards him. A Dementor. How could have Dumbledore agreed to let one inside the castle again? But it didn't matter much, because he knew why the Dementor was there. Soon the creature would be leaning and performing the Kiss. It felt strange to think how badly he had wanted it to happen to Black, and now it was his turn. Snape managed not to whimper when the dark hood came close to his face, the creature's black sleeves on each side of the chair imprisoning him there. Strangely it didn't lower it's hood, but it didn't really matter. He wouldn't try to run away. He knew he couldn't, and maybe he really deserved the Kiss. He closed his eyes as what was supposed to be the Dementor's mouth pressed on his lips... then opened them again as he realized the Dementor had soft lips and was now wearing Harry's face, green eyes locked on his.

He woke as he heard the boy's voice telling him he was forgiving him. But was it the boy from his dream's voice or had Harry just spoken to him? The boy was standing by his side, looking at him reprovingly.

"You shouldn't sleep in that chair, you're going to hurt everywhere, and don't expect me to offer you a massage."

Snape straightened in the chair, and indeed he was aching everywhere. Harry was still looking at him, but his smile was turning in a slightly anxious look.

"You look awful. You're so pale and you were frowning in your sleep. Was that a nightmare? It looked painful. Something about Azkaban?"

"Something that's none of your business."

He regreted his harsh tone as soon as the words left his mouth. Harry sighed. He left the room and came back a minute later carefully holding a heavy object.

"I really think you should get rid of this dream. Here, this should be useful."

When he saw what the object was, Snape considered for a moment chasing Harry around the room and pushing him face first into a cauldron.

"You really can't get your hands off other people's properties... I thought you promised not to touch anything."

"Well, I... I was just... trying to clean up. Alright, the closet was slightly open, and I guessed what was in. But I only checked it was your Dreams Pensieve and closed the door. I never looked what was inside, I swear!"

If he hadn't been still angry Snape would have laughed at the boy's terrified look. Well, maybe not so angry, just annoyed. The boy himself was an annoying brat.

"Leave it there. With the food. And go."

Harry knew from long experience when Snape was too angry to try arguing with him, and just obeyed. A few seconds later he was sulking in the Headmaster's office.

"I just want to be nice. I want to give him what he never had."

"What? A little brother to play with? That's how you're seeing him, now, as an older brother?"

"You're right, maybe it's just this. I never had a brother, like Ron does. When I saw the Weasleys I knew that's what I was missing."

"But what Severus feels for you isn't brotherly love, Harry. You're giving him a harder time than you think by being so friendly with him."

"But he needs–"

"He doesn't need temptation. Unless... your intentions are the same as his. But in that case, I must warn you, I won't condone such relationship. Not yet, at least. You're too young to really understand the implications of your actions."

Harry blushed.

"I just want to give him friendship and..."

"Affection?"

Dumbledore patted the boy's shoulder.

"I'm sure your intentions are good. But don't forget a few things. First, Severus has always tried to persuade himself he didn't need anybody's affection. Second, he's much older than you and doesn't see things the same way you do. And third... I'm afraid his feelings for you are still improper. But I know you, you will just act as you've decided to, so my warnings are useless. Just... be careful, Harry. You may be playing a dangerous game."

It was one of these rare times when Harry had the opportunity to see the Headmaster looking very serious, any trace of happiness or mischief gone from his face.

"I don't want you to worry for me. I'll be careful, I promise."

But he didn't even know what being careful in that case really meant.

Harry came from his last class of the day, dropped his bag in his dormitory and taking a book with him went straight to Snape.

"There's something I'd like you to show me."

Not knowing exactly why, the man gulped.

"What is it?"

"That thing on your arm. The Dark Mark."

"It really isn't something interesting. Besides, it's fading between calls, you won't see anything."

"Yes, but I know you've been called, so it must be dark enough to see."

"How do you know it?"

"I've seen you wincing and clutching your arm a few times, lately."

"I'll never get rid of you..."

Harry just smiled, and Snape pulled his sleeve with a resigned sigh. The Mark was there, dark under the boy's stare. Harry sat looking at it for a while, frowning slightly, then reached out.

"Don't!"

"Why? Does it hurt when you touch it?"

"No, but–"

He stopped and gasped as a finger trailed softly along the skull shaped drawing. He shouldn't have shown it to him, he shouldn't have let Harry so close. He gripped the chair firmly with his free hand and clenched his teeth. He would not touch the boy, he would not–

He froze, panicking as Harry grabbed his hand and pressed his cheek on the cursed mark. Soft and warm fingers on his hand. Soft and warm cheek on his forearm. He wondered if the boy was doing it on purpose just to torment him. He managed to speak, with a voice that sounded a lot like it did when he'd come back from Azkaban.

"Stop... this... immediately..."

Harry's eyes snapped open and he backed away, leaving coldness where he had just provided warmth. He looked both confused and scared.

"I'm sorry! I didn't mean... I just... It's just that... if I had something like this on me, it's what I would like someone to do. I mean, someone I care for. You still do care for me, don't you?"

Snape looked at the half sitting, half sprawling, and fully looking terrified boy on the floor. He reminded him of himself as a child, waiting for the blow to fall because he had done something wrong... or worse. He wanted more than ever to take the boy in his arms, but that would mean terrifying him even more and risking losing control again. That left him only words. He tried to sound gentle but wasn't sure of the result. After all, he had never trained for sounding gentle.

"What do you want? What do you expect from me? Are you really trying to be nice or is it something twisted?"

"Twisted? What do you mean?"

"I think that you're trying to tempt me so I will make a mistake again and you'll have a very good reason to make me pay."

"You're the one with a twisted mind! If I wanted to make you pay, I wouldn't have helped you out of Azkaban! You've paid enough already. And... you really thought I was tempting you? Don't you see when people want to be nice with you?"

"I never had the opportunity to be treated nicely."

He was sounding bitter, now, Harry could only notice it. His mind was rushing to a lot of disturbing conclusions.

"Do you want me to leave?"

"... no..."

So Harry grabbed his book and started his homework, trying not to look at the man. But thinking of him, of the feeling of his fingers against his, or the softness of his skin against his cheek. He felt he was blushing and tried to focus on his work again. What was wrong with him, now? He should have hated him, like before. And instead... he couldn't be attracted by him. He was a man. Well, that was the problem. He couldn't tell what his preference was. He knew it was some hormone stuff, something about his age, but still... Maybe a little talk with someone mature would help him.

Just as he was about to open his mouth a cheerful form Floo-ed in. Snape looked with a look that reminded Harry of a pissed kid at the Headmaster emerging from the fireplace.

"Sulking again, Severus? You could help Harry with his homework, that would give you something useful to do instead of just sitting there."

"I'm not just sitting there. And I won't do his homework, he must learn to take care of himself."

*He's not just sitting there, he's sitting there watching me* Harry mentally corrected. Dumbledore turned to him, ignoring Snape's glare.

"Hogsmeade next week. You should go, Harry. Your friends are seriously asking questions. You're spending more time here than with them."

"I don't want to go. I prefer staying here, I don't want to see... certain persons."

"I'm afraid it wasn't a request but an order."

Dumbledore sighed as he was now facing two sulking boys.

"I'm starting to understand why you two go along so well..."

Then he was gone. Snape and Harry looked at each other.

"What did he mean?"

"Don't pay attention, Potter, he's an old fool."

"How can you say that after what he's done for you?! You really have no respect for anyone except yourself!"

"Everybody says he's an old fool, that doesn't mean we don't respect him. Sit, finish your work."

"No. I'm leaving. And I'll go to Hogsmeade."

"It didn't sound you had the choice."

If Harry could have slammed any door while he left, he would certainly have done it. But he just Floo-ed away.

Snape woke next Sunday at the sound of footsteps in the room. He opened his eyes and was relieved to see Harry smiling. Good, he wasn't angry anymore, after two days of sulking.

"Look at what I brought you!"

"Good morning, Potter."

"Yes, yes, but look at this. I don't know why I didn't think about it before. It's such a nice day, I thought it was a pity you couldn't go outside. And then..."

Harry disappeared. Snape sighed. That damned Invisibility Cloak.

"You don't seriously expect me to go wandering outside under this?"

"I thought we could have a walk to the lake, and–"

"WE? I'm not getting under this with you!"

The idea of being that close to Harry was both delicious and terrifying. He knew he would certainly do something wrong.

"Besides, Albus doesn't want me to go outside."

"He doesn't need to know. He can't force you to stay inside, it's cruel!"

Before Snape could tell him he didn't really care, he found himself dangerously close to the boy, hidden under the cloak. He stopped breathing and didn't dare to move. Harry smiled up at him.

"See? It isn't that bad. Come!"

He followed resignedly. Walking in the Castle's corridors had never seemed so strange. For the first time in his life he felt like a thief sneaking in a well guarded fortress. If someone found him there, with Harry, he was certainly going back to Azkaban. Or maybe not, but he couldn't help fearing being sent back there.

They finally reached the heavy doors and were outside. Snape blinked at the sudden assault of the sun on his eyes. Harry thought for a while but couldn't find a spell to help him. Maybe if they went to a slightly darker place... He headed to Hagrid's hut, then followed the trail to the Forbidden Forest.

"We can't go there!"

"Quiet, someone could here us. And why not going there? I've been there many times, you know."

"Don't remind me of your numerous law-breaking..."

Harry shrugged and continued inside the forest, forcing his unwilling companion to follow. After a while of walking and a lot of complaining from Snape, they reached a clearing, removed the cloak and sat on a fallen tree trunk.

"Isn't that a nice place? Breath hard, you need it after spending so much time in your dungeon."

"Not to mention a much fouler place..."

"Do you like men?"

"WHAT?!"

Snape turned his head to see Harry looking at the ground, fidgeting a bit. And flushing a lot. What was that? Why was he suddenly asking questions like that?

"I don't think my private life could be interesting. And it's none of your business."

"I'm sorry, I just wanted to have your advice."

"Advice? About what?"

And then he realized that Harry was asking him things he couldn't be asking to parents he didn't have anymore or to a brother he never had. Just as himself never had the chance to ask questions to anyone as a child. Maybe Harry was right, they had a lot in common. He tried to soften his voice.

"Harry, you said you wanted my advice. What was it about?"

"You... you just called me Harry?"

"Well, maybe, but what did you want to know?"

"You never called me Harry before."

"And I won't do it again if you don't tell me what you wanted."

Harry looked at the man with what suspiciously looked like awe. And as Snape studied him, it wasn't just awe, but trust and respect. It could have seemed totally natural from a student to a teacher... if nothing awful had ever happened between them. Maybe the boy was planning some bad trick as a revenge. But those green eyes really didn't seem to lie.

"Alright, I asked you if you liked men because... I'm not sure I like girls and I wanted to know if there were... signs... And after what you did to me and what I saw in your Pensieve I thought that maybe you liked men."

"You're not a man, you're just a child."

"So you're into children?"

"What are you talking about? I said I was a monster but don't make things worse than they are."

"Sorry... It's all because... You know, there's a Ravenclaw girl I thought I loved. She's been nice with me, but every time she had tried to touch me, you know, just taking my hand or something like this... I just couldn't stand it. It's almost as if it felt disgusting."

"What's disgusting you is the memory of what I did to you."

"But it has nothing to do with it."

"You're wrong. You just fear any intimate touch. It would remind you of what I did to you. It's getting late, we should go back to the castle."

The truth was that talking about all this was getting disturbing. How could that boy be discussing the consequences of his own rape with his aggressor? He should never get out of the dungeon again, fresh air was making him imprudent.

But the situation back in the dungeon wasn't better. Harry had been silent during their return, thinking about their conversation. Snape grabbed them both a book and sat in his usual chair, far enough from the boy. Peaceful minutes of silent reading later Harry put his book down.

"I think you can help me. With that disgust problem, I mean."

A silent alarm rang in Snape's brain.

"You can undo what you've done."

"You may be naive, boy, but I didn't know you were stupid."

"Don't be mean. I'm sure you can help me. Why don't you want to try?"

"Because something is telling me we'd be ending up with you bending over my desk again!"

He knew when he heard the words that he shouldn't have spoken them. Harry's horrified face just confirmed it. He suddenly wanted to take him in his arms to comfort him but that would be a bigger mistake.

"I'm sorry. It hasn't been very tactful. But sincerely I don't see how I, of all people, could help you with this."

"You can't give me back what you took me, but I'm sure you can undo what you've done."

"'What I took you'? Don't tell me you were..."

"A virgin, yes. Is that so strange?"

"I thought the whole school would have tried to get in your bed."

"Not the whole school. But I just wasn't interested. I wanted something else, someone who would really have feelings for me, not someone who just wanted to be able to tell everybody they had an affair with Harry Potter. Just like for the Yule Ball last year. They wanted to dance with me because I was famous. This is really boring."

"And yet people would kill to have this fame and power."

"Yes, like Voldemort."

They were taking their meals together, now. Nobody but Ron would dare asking questions about Harry's disappearance from the Great Hall. And Ron knew Harry wouldn't answer his questions, so that new arrangement wasn't a problem.

"How was Hogsmeade?"

"Boring. Ron tried to be nice both with me and Hermione, without getting her mad at him for talking to me, while I was trying to avoid her."

"And it's all my fault..."

Harry shrugged.

"I don't care. Maybe she wasn't that wise, after all. She should have thought before sending you to Azkaban."

"But you can't lose your friends, or you will end up like me, alone in a dungeon."

"Well, at least I'll have a dungeon neighbor."

"I was serious."

"I was too. I never thought I would like your company better than my friends', some day."

Snape turned his head as Harry was sucking strawberry jam from his fingers. Was he deliberately tempting him? He would have given anything to lick the boy's fingers himself. He heard clinking china and knew Harry was taking off the tray. Good, he would be leaving, now. No more temptation. If the boy could just remove his hand from Snape's arm...

"What's wrong, Sir? You look uneasy."

"There's something I've been wondering for a while. Are you trying to tempt me or do you have absolutely no notion of seduction?"

"Seduction? But I didn't do anything."

"You were licking your fingers!"

"So what? You never do this?"

"You know, you're weird, Harry."

"Couldn't you enlighten me instead of making a fool of me? You're the teacher, here, after all. Teach me seduction."

"Do you realize what you're saying?... Apparently not. Could you take your hand off my arm, now?"

"No."

"No?"

"Take it off yourself."

"I won't touch you. I told you."

"It's just my hand. I can't stand people touching me anymore, and it's your fault, now help me!"

The boy was right, it was just his hand, after all. Maybe he could do it. Just his hand. Connected to his arm. Connected to his shoulder and neck. How he'd like to kiss that neck, then up to his lips, and–

He sighed. It wasn't just a hand. It was Harry's hand. But he wasn't going to let himself be afraid of such a simple thing. he would take the boy's hand. And maybe kiss it, then perhaps lick one of those fingers. That was definitely getting worse. But Harry was asking for his help, and Dumbledore was certainly keeping an eye on them, so nothing really bad could happen.

He raised his hand and placed it on the one on his arm. Harry tensed but didn't try to get away. He wrapped his fingers around the boy's and lifted their hands. Harry twined his fingers with his. This he hadn't planned. Harry smiled at him.

"You're touching me and I'm not scared or disgusted. You see? I was right. It works!"

"I don't think you'd stick to that opinion if it wasn't only your hand."

"Try."

"No. It's getting late, you should go."

"Alright, we'll try another part of my body tonight."

"Will you stop saying things like this?"

"But... I was just thinking that maybe you could try touching my arms instead of just talking after dinner..."

"Enough! Go!"

Harry grabbed his bag and rushed to the fireplace. Snape was really suspecting the boy to be faking innocence. So now it would be his arms. And then? Maybe a kiss? Harry's kiss would be welcome, though, if it was that absolution kiss from his dream. Snape rose and went to his bedroom to get his Dreams Pensieve and watched that dream again. It was just a dream but he felt a bit better every time he was seeing it.

"You have funny dreams."

Snape jumped and tried to hide the view but the boy had already seen what he shouldn't have.

"What are you doing here?"

"I forgot a book, and as you weren't in the other room and I didn't want to sneak in without you knowing, I just came to tell you."

"And once again you couldn't help putting your nose in other people's business."

"I didn't mean to! I just saw myself there... so I was curious to know what I was doing in your dreams."

"It's not what you think."

"I was kissing you."

"No, you were... forgiving me."

"... I'll think about it."

Harry rushed out, leaving a slightly annoyed Potions Master behind. He needed to do something to change his mind. Dumbledore needed some complex potions, that was a good time to make them. At least that would occupy him for the whole morning. It worked so perfectly that he didn't notice it was lunchtime until Harry was standing quietly by his side, watching the content of the cauldron with interest. They ate together again, avoiding any awkward conversation, but Snape knew dinner wouldn't be so peaceful.

As soon as Harry's last class of the day was over he came to work in Snape's rooms. He managed to finish his homework quickly and the man considered for a while giving him extra Potions homework to delay the unavoidable conversation. But Harry was quicker. He clapped his book closed and smiled at his teacher.

"Finished! Now we can talk."

He rose and went to stand in front of the other wizard, who was getting seriously nervous.

"I've been thinking about that dream. I had Divination today, so I had a lot of time to think. I was wondering if you deserved it but couldn't decide. Then it occurred to me that the question wasn't 'do you deserve it' but 'do I want to forgive you'. It's not something about people's opinion. It's something between you and me. What you did was wrong and forbidden and you already paid for it. That was the official part. Now... for the personal part... do you think I want to forgive you?"

"How could I know? I guess not."

"So you wouldn't forgive if you were in my place?"

"I wouldn't forgive anyone who'd dare touching you."

"Sounds possessive..."

"You can't forgive that easily, Harry."

"Yes, I can. Now that I know you better, I can. You just lost control. When you were a child, your uncle punished you that way when you did something wrong. Somehow, I've been a bad child and you had to punish me, but you were so angry that you lost control and punished me as what seemed natural to you."

"It doesn't seem natural to me!"

"No, but a part of your mind thought it was. You know, it's like indoctrination. You teach something to a child often enough and he doesn't forget it."

"I'm not a child anymore."

"Are you sure?"

Harry leaned closer, resting his hands on the chair, mimicking what he had seen in the dream. He wouldn't let Snape go. He leaned even closer and the man didn't try to move, just watching as these green eyes were fixing him with sudden seriousness. Harry moved slowly until his lips touched the man's and pressed lightly. Snape shivered but didn't push him away. It felt good, better than in his dream, and this time he knew it was real. But what felt even better was Harry's voice whispering "I forgive you" in his ear. He would have liked to take him in his arms but the contact would certainly frighten the boy. Or maybe not. If he could just kiss him again...

Harry sank to his knees and watched the man above him. He couldn't tell what his feelings were. Maybe he shouldn't have done it, maybe it should have remained a dream.

"Did you believe me? I meant it, I do forgive you."

"Do you forgive the man or the abused child?"

"There's no difference, even though you're trying to be different."

Snape didn't answer but reached out and touched the boy's cheek, earning a cat-like move from him. Not only Harry wasn't avoiding his touch but he was pressing and stroking his cheek against the man's hand. Maybe he could have taken him in his arms before. A thing that never ceased to surprise Snape was the Headmaster's ability to show up in very awkward situations. Like now.

"You've found a new pet, Severus?"

The pet and his master rose and looked at him with shock. What if he misunderstood what he'd seen? Snape tried to explain but surprisingly stumbled on his words. Harry had to restrain himself from laughing as he thought it was a small revenge for all the times he had questioned a student without getting a straight answer.

"I have eyes, Severus, and they didn't show me anything wrong. It was obvious you weren't forcing Harry to do something he didn't want. And being gentle with a student isn't forbidden. Just as being nice with a teacher."

They had been wondering if Dumbledore had seen what had just happened before he arrived, but now they knew. They were just relieved he didn't have any objection to this.

"I must confess I've been spying a bit on you. Fawkes was squeaking madly and I knew something important was happening. So you've finally taken the wiser decision, Harry. I'm happy you learned to see beyond the appearances and freed Severus from a part of his sufferings. It's no secret I'm rather fond of both of you, so you'll understand how glad I am."

Harry and Snape tried to remember what exactly had been said or done in the previous minutes to know if they should look ashamed or not. But Dumbledore started informing Snape of the way Potions teaching was turning and the three of them sat, almost as if nothing had happened before.

When Harry arrived on Saturday morning he found a very annoyed Potions Master sitting by the small window.

"What did I do wrong, this time?

"You didn't do anything."

"Then why are you sulking?"

"I'm not sulking, I leave this to you. It's just my arm, it's nothing."

"The Mark? Voldemort is calling again?"

"Yes. I'm officially not a Death Eater anymore but it still hurts like hell when he calls. He doesn't need me, he could leave me in peace."

"I think he would call more often if he knew it's hurting you like this. As a punishment..."

Harry had pulled the man's sleeve and was rubbing his arm gently. Maybe the pain was worth it, after all.

"You know what? We should go out, in the Forest, like we did a few weeks ago. It's getting warm, and–"

"No."

"Why are you saying 'no' whenever I say something?"

"Because it's dangerous."

"I have my cloak and we have our wands. It can't be dangerous. I feel safe with you."

"You shouldn't."

"Never mind, come!"

Harry grabbed his discarded cloak from a nearby shelf. Much to Snape's amusement, some of Harry's belongings had become permanent guests in his rooms, forgotten there or left on purpose. The boy forced him up and under the cloak with him and went out. Having to walk without both stepping outside the cloak or being too close from the boy didn't make the walk to the Forest easy. Walking past Professor McGonagall while being invisible was somehow amusing too and Snape felt like he was back in his school years. Certainly, wishing her a good morning while being still invisible would be very interesting. Harry seemed to know what was in his mind and grabbed his arm, dragging him along the corridor. When they finally reached the forest and dropped the cloak Snape sat heavily on the tree trunk they had used as a sofa the previous time.

"You're not funny, boy. I could have given her such a fright."

"She's not stupid, she would have understood what was going on and I would have gotten a detention."

"You maybe, but not me."

"That's not very kind. I could leave you here and run back to the Castle. Watching you come back would be funny."

"Maybe, but I know you wouldn't do it."

"I could have given you another kind of detention. What about telling the Headmaster you tried to give professor McGonagall a heart attack?"

"Stop talking nonsense and sit down!"

Harry chuckled and sat close to the man. Maybe a bit too close, but that wasn't that bad. They staid there talking for a while, Harry showing plants and, to Snape's surprise and delight, describing their various use in Potions. A sudden noise made them froze. Not loud enough to be a centaur or an unicorn, too loud to be a rabbit or any other forest animal.

"Human."

Snape nodded. Before they could grab the cloak they found themselves facing...

"Lucius!"

"What have we here? The traitor and... his pet? I'm afraid you won't have anymore time to have some fun with him. As you know, our Lord called us, but what you didn't know was that he wanted us to find a way to reach you. And make you pay for betraying us, of course. I never thought I would be so lucky, I was just going to Hogwarts when I saw you two. Lord Voldemort will be delighted when I'll bring the two of you to him."

"I don't think so."

Dumbledore appeared from nowhere and pointed his wand at Malfoy, while Harry dropped the cloak over Snape and himself, grabbing the man and pressing himself against the taller body. They heard the Headmaster yell "Obliviate" and knew it was time to move. Dumbledore had become invisible again and was certainly leaving. They quickly left the Forest, casting a Silence spell so their footsteps wouldn't betray them. Malfoy stood there with his broom in his hand, wondering why he had stopped in the Forest on his way to Hogwarts.

They ran, close to each other under the cloak. When Harry stumbled and almost fell a strong arm wrapped around his waist and held him up. There was a brief moment of panic as he remembered the hands holding him still against the desk. He forced himself to think. This wasn't going to happen anymore, Snape was helping him, not hurting him. He wrapped an arm around the man's back and concentrated on his steps. Concentrating was getting difficult for the other wizard, then, with Harry half wrapped around him. He would have a serious talk with the boy once they get inside.

They tumbled on the couch as soon as they reached Snape's quarters, trying to catch their breath. Snape had let go of Harry but the boy was still clutching his robes, his head resting on the man's shoulder. Why the hell did he have to be so familiar? Not to mention so tempting... As Snape was debating taking the opportunity to kiss the boy or not, an unusually very pissed Headmaster emerged from the fireplace.

"Severus! I thought you were a responsible man! What were you two doing in the Forbidden Forest while you knew Voldemort had been calling his followers?"

"It's my fault, sir. I wanted Professor Snape to breath fresh air, I just forced him outside."

"Nobody has forced Severus to do something for a long time. Even when he was taken to Azkaban I know he followed these men willingly."

Two very ashamed wizards looked at the floor, not daring to look at the Headmaster's disapproving face.

"I'm sorry, Albus."

"You could have gotten yourselves killed."

"I wasn't thinking straight."

"Something that seems to happen a lot when you're near Harry."

There was amusement in the man's voice now. Maybe he just couldn't keep being angry for too long. Snape dared looking at him and saw concern on his face.

"Now we know there is a spy at Hogwarts. Someone who discovered you were staying here, Severus. Someone who have been able to contact Lucius."

"Draco!"

"Don't accuse people without being sure, Harry. If I recall, you were certain Severus was trying to kill you and steal the Stone, remember?"

Harry turned and glared at Snape who was chuckling.

"Who, then?"

"I don't know yet, but I've noticed something, now that I think of it. I'll tell you more when I'm sure. But for now, no more trip to the Forest, understood?"

"But... what about Professor Snape's health?"

"Severus has been spending much more time in the dungeon than outside. Don't worry for him: unlike what I first feared long ago, he won't turn into a giant mushroom."

Harry forced himself to smile, Snape didn't. The Headmaster's sense of humor was sometimes really strange. As soon as Dumbledore left Harry dropped to his knees in front of Snape who was back on the couch.

"I'm sorry. You got in trouble by my fault."

"Getting yourself or other people in trouble seems to be in your nature. I'm not sure blaming you would change anything."

"I should have listened to you."

"As always."

"I shouldn't have gone in the Forest."

"As always."

Harry was looking miserable and Snape felt a sudden tenderness. He patted the couch next to him.

"Come sit here. And look at me."

Harry obeyed, for once. Any other student would have seen coldness in the man's eyes, but Harry had learnt to recognize the signs of emotions in them. And he could see that Snape wasn't really angry but looked concerned. A hand raised to the boy's cheek and stroke it, and Harry knew everything was alright.

"I don't want to lose you, Harry. I've always been taking care of you as best as I could when you were in danger. I failed, this time."

"You didn't. If you hadn't grabbed me when I tripped, maybe I wouldn't be there now."

"You know it's not true."

"Maybe, but you helped me this time again."

"What do you see in me, Harry?"

"What?"

"What do you think I am to you?"

"I don't know."

"Don't be afraid of the answer, I won't be mad at you for it. I just want to know."

"I thought first... maybe... something like... No, it's stupid."

"It's not, tell me."

"An older brother. But... I'm not sure, now..."

"And still not sure you like boys or girls?"

"I've been thinking about it, too. I think I don't really like girls... nor boys... but men."

Harry got closer to the man and wrapped his arms around Snape's neck.

"Or maybe not *men* but just *one man*."

None of them dared moving. Harry was afraid of being rejected, while Snape was afraid of touching the boy. He still wasn't sure he could control himself. It was certainly stupid, it had only happened once, but he just couldn't take the risk of losing the boy again.

"Can I kiss you, sir?"

"I don't remind you asking permission last time."

"That wasn't a real kiss. It had a different purpose."

"Different than what? What's the purpose now?"

Teasing Harry and watching him trying not to be too rude had always been fun, but now the situation had changed. Harry wasn't risking losing points or getting a detention. And Snape wasn't totaly certain a student was allowed to kiss a teacher as Harry was currently doing. Certainly, tongue exploration of a Potions Master's mouth wasn't part of Hogwarts classes, though Harry seemed to want to have extra training on that topic. And Snape wasn't complaining. After hesitating a few seconds, not sure of the boy's reaction, his tongue joined Harry's and from the sound of the boy's moan there was still no trace of discomfort at that intimate touch.

Harry's arms let Snape's neck and the boy grabbed the man's hands that still haven't been touching him so far, placing them on his waist. They didn't rest there for long, reaching for a better embrace, while Harry went back to playing with the other wizard's long hair. It was perfect. So perfect that Snape wondered when would Voldemort show up and slaughter them. When they finally broke the kiss, slightly out of breath, green eyes were meeting dark ones and Harry was smiling.

"That's a great therapy. I wasn't sure I would be able to let you touch me, but I really didn't think I would be able to do that. I suppose I was right, then."

"Right about what?"

"My feelings. For you."

"Oh no, please..."

"What? You don't believe me? I didn't love you when you were still my teacher, I didn't love you when you came back from Azkaban. I've just learnt to know you better and I just liked what I've discovered."

"How could you love someone who took advantage of his position to rape you?"

"It's not exactly what happened. And I've decided I don't want to talk or think about this incident anymore. Things have changed. Don't talk about the past."

"You won't get rid of the past that easily."

"Maybe... But I'd like to think about the present and future, instead. A future by your side, why not?"

"Harry..."

"What? At least let me dream."

"You have really strange dreams, don't you think?"

"Not stranger than yours..."

"Impudent boy..."

Not wanting to hear any more comment from the boy, Snape kissed him again. It was a thing he knew he wouldn't get tired of. They broke the kiss long seconds later and Harry enjoyed the warmth and comfort of the man's body when he heard him chuckling. He raised his head to look into the man's eyes. There was a very faint twinkling that only him could see: it meant Snape was in mischievous mode. He looked at Harry and explained his mood.

"I would give anything to see Minerva's face if she heard about what we've just done."

"Anything to get her pissed... Does she know? About the reason you were away?"

"I thought you didn't want to talk about the past..."

"Does she know?"

"Yes. She had to. She had never really liked me, but now she hates me."

"And now I understand why she never takes points from me anymore... She's pitying me. I don't want people pitying me like this, I can deal with it by myself!"

"Are you sure of this?"

Harry found himself pressed against the other man, held tightly by a strong arm at his waist while a hand was playing with his hair, holding his head against the man's shoulder. Warmth and love, things he wasn't used to. He felt so good. He just rested there, secured in the man's arms. Maybe Snape was right, maybe he couldn't deal with his pain by himself and needed his care. And maybe he shouldn't reject other people's moral help, people who really cared for him. Maybe he'll have a talk with McGonagall. Later. For now all he wanted was feeling Snape's body against him. There was still something that kept him from wanting to make love with him. Love was enough. He didn't need sex.

Harry waited for the other students to leave at the end of the Transfiguration class. It was the last class of the day so he would have enough time to talk with McGonagall without being late. She smiled at him when he approached her desk. It was a strange smile, he couldn't tell if it was really sadness he saw in it. He wasn't sure what to say or how to start.

"Someone told me you knew... what happened..."

"I've never been Professor Snape's best friend but I've always respected him. I know the Headmaster trusts him and I think I can trust him too for certain matters. But I've been very... disappointed to learn what he'd done to you. He has strange teaching methods but I'd never thought he would go so far in punishment."

"He didn't mean to!"

"I know. Professor Dumbledore told me there were 'reasons', though he didn't tell me what it was. But I'm sure you know them."

She had come toward him and had placed her hands on Harry's shoulders. He had never seen her do something like this. But maybe she really cared for him. It seems a few people did, like they were real relatives. Maybe that was what it felt, having a family.

"Harry, if you need to talk about anything to me, don't hesitate. I'm sure two other people have offered you their help, but I'm a woman and I see things differently than these two irresponsible males."

Harry smiled at her disapproving tone.

"So you know too..."

"That the Headmaster convinced you to help getting Severus back and taking care of him, yes."

"It's not really like this. He didn't have to convince me and I like taking care of Professor Snape. He's someone really interesting. And really nice and funny when he wants to."

McGonagall's frown let him know she wasn't sharing his last statement but he didn't care.

Harry was standing in Snape's room glaring at the man, flushed with anger.

"This is ridiculous! There's nothing wrong in kissing someone you love!"

"You don't love me, Harry. Not like a lover."

"How could you know what I'm feeling?"

"Stop acting like a child for a while."

Harry crossed his arms and sat sulking. Things had changed in his feelings, how could Snape ignore it? Wasn't their previous kisses enough proof of it? It had nothing to do with brotherly love. The man's behavior was getting irritating again. The old routine: Snape was ordering, Harry had to obey. But Harry wasn't his student anymore, after all. He got up and went to the bookcase. After searching for a while he picked a book and sat to the desk. After turning pages for a few seconds he picked a sheet of parchment and a quill on the desk.

"What are you doing at my desk? I didn't give you permission to use my belongings."

"I'm copying a potion's recipe, do you have a problem with this?"

Old habits almost made him reply by taking points from Gryffindor. He was going to miss some little things like this.

"And what kind of potion is inspiring you this sudden interest? Wait a minute, you're not supposed to read this book! Give it back."

"No."

"Potter, give this book back or I'll have to report to Professor Dumbledore. Students are not allowed to make aphrodisiacs."

"What about using them on teachers? I must say I'm even surprised to find a book like this in your possession..."

"Don't think you'll embarrass me. It was an old joke from the Headmaster, he said I should try using something in that book."

"He always have funny ideas. But always wise ones. Did you use that book?"

"I don't need potions to get a lover."

"No, that's why I've met so much people here..."

"You're not even funny. Put this book back or I'll use ways you won't appreciate to force you to obey."

Painful memories came back to Harry. He got up, looking at Snape with fear, and backed slowly toward the door. The man realized his error and went toward him. Harry seemed to shrink.

"I'm not going to hurt you. I won't even touch you if you don't want me to. I didn't mean what you thought. This won't happen again, never. I promise you."

As soon as the man's hand touched him Harry threw himself in Snape's arms, crying. He had only seen him crying once. Maybe it wasn't a good idea –and he was sure it wasn't– but Snape thought giving in to the boy's current wish would be a way to calm him and take his mind away from his horrible thoughts. Kissing a sobbing boy wasn't that easy, Harry's lips escaping his with each sob. He held the boy's head gently and forced his mouth open with his lips and tongue. Harry stopped sobbing immediately and kissed him back, sliding his tongue gently against the man's. He needed that contact, intimate enough to comfort him and make him feel loved. When they broke the kiss, Snape looked at the boy's teary eyes.

"You're not yourself, boy. What have I done to you? You've always been so strong and courageous, fighting whatever you encountered. And now... you've become weak."

"I'm not weak. I think I've simply realized I wasn't invincible."

They cuddled for a while on the couch (a thing Snape wouldn't have thought himself capable of) and Harry asked for a kiss again. This time it wasn't denied and the man's hand started wandering cautiously on his thigh. The boy moaned and moved to straddle the other wizard's thighs. A hand had slid on his ass as the other one was caressing his hair. Harry's hips thrust against Snape, looking for more contact. This time the man moaned as he felt the hardness pressing against his belly. His hand left the boy's ass to slip between them. Harry broke the kiss, panting. Snape was grinning.

"What do we have here?"

"I don't think you should do that. I'm not sure you're allowed..."

"Do you think this behavior is expected from a student, too? Sit, and don't move."

Harry sat back on the couch as the man dropped to his knees in front of him. The boy watched his trousers being unbuttoned by deft fingers that gently freed his erection. He was amazed by this almost constant gentleness the man was using with him since his return to Hogwarts. Long thinking seemed to have changed a lot of things in them. And between them.

He gasped as Snape's tongue touched him. He wasn't really going to do it, was he? Harry had always thought it was something disgusting. But the man didn't seem to share his opinion, so maybe he could give it a try. After all, he was on the receiving side, so there shouldn't be any problem. He tried watching as Snape's tongue was trailing along his shaft but the sight somehow made him dizzy and he closed his eyes. It was the most exciting thing he'd seen or felt so far and he never wanted it to stop. His opinion changed slightly as wet warmth surrounded his flesh. This was even better. He opened his eyes meeting the sight of the man's lips wrapped tightly around him. Snape's eyes were closed and he seemed to be both concentrating and enjoying his task.

Harry closed his eyes again and reached for the man's head, tangling his fingers slightly in his hair. This felt far better than he'd thought and he wondered how Snape's tongue could move like this around and along him. Something that reminded him of a snake. Maybe it was a Slytherin thing, after all. He wanted it to last but he was well aware of the fact that he hadn't offered his body any release for a long time, afraid of the strange feeling of fear and shame it had brought him the previous months. He tried not to think about it and was surprised and relieved by the blissful feeling when he came. No fear, he felt secure. No shame, he felt loved. Snape returned on the couch by his side and kissed him again. It took the boy only a few seconds to understand that the strange taste on the man's tongue was his own. He pushed him back and frowned.

"You swallowed it? This is disgusting!"

"I don't think you're disgusting. I don't find any part of you disgusting."

"Well, I don't want to taste it again."

"What about tasting me?"

Harry tried to imagine himself on his knees in front of the other man and couldn't help blushing almost scarlet. He would have liked to please the man but he still wasn't sure he would have the nerve to do it. Snape stroke his cheek and smiled.

"Don't worry, I didn't expect a positive answer. I just did it for you, it wasn't to get anything in return. And despite what you're thinking, it wasn't disgusting."

"Will it happen again? It wasn't really something allowed, was it?"

"Not really. Actually, you still haven't reached the age of consent. But as all this situation is somehow getting away from anything legal... I don't think it could harm you. But I don't think it would be wise to let it happen too often."

"There's still someone watching us, that's what you mean..."

"I just hope he wasn't watching right now."

While they talked, a seriously distraught and still slightly blushing Headmaster paced around his office. Maybe he had been wrong by sending Harry to take care of Severus. Or maybe some things are just impossible to avoid. Like fate. He didn't know if he should stop any more improper activity or just trust Severus' reason. After all, the boy hadn't been hurt in any way this time.

Harry was sitting in the Potions class, watching with amusement as everybody was smiling at their current teacher. Hands were raising often and a lot of questions were asked. A thing that didn't occurre while Snape was teaching. His classes weren't boring, they were just a bit difficult and the students were often too afraid to ask anything. Harry thought about talking about a changing of teaching methods to Snape. Maybe he was wrong, maybe he would teach again someday. As Harry scanned the room he noticed something at the Slytherin tables. Draco looked pissed and bored, but nothing more. Unlike his two permanent friends. Crabbe and Goyle were having a heated conversation behind the other boy's back and there was something in their eyes Harry had never seen there before. Then they quickly glanced at Dumbledore with a look that only meant "kill".

He had been wrong. It wasn't Draco. Snape hadn't been betrayed by Draco, he certainly liked him and respected him too much to do something like this. But the other two... He would have never suspected they could do something on their own, and Malfoy was visibly unaware of what was going on between his friends and the Death Eaters. Dumbledore must have felt Harry's anxiety. He looked at him and briefly nodded, then turned back to his teaching. Harry turned again and saw that Ron was watching him too. The other boy leaned to asked him what was wrong but Harry just told him he couldn't talk right now. He felt sorry at the hurt look he saw once again on Ron's face. Hermione had turned her head too and was looking at Harry for the first time in a few months. There was still some kind of link between these three and she knew instantly that something serious was going on.

When the room was finally empty of any student, Harry came to the Headmaster but the man just motioned him to keep silent. They left for his office and once there Harry finally talked in a slightly frantic way.

"You were right, it wasn't him! It wasn't Malfoy! I had vaguely noticed his two dumb friends talking away from him, but I was just surprised to see them without him, then. I didn't think... It's them, I'm sure it's them! They were plotting in your class and looking at you in a way..."

"So my suspicions were right. Crabbe and Goyle... Their fathers are Death Eaters, so I'm not really surprised. I just didn't think their brains were functional enough for something like this."

Harry was surprised to hear the Headmaster talk about students this way. But they weren't students, they were enemies. He remembered Snape telling him he shouldn't do anything that would mean the loss of his friends then thought about Ron and Hermione's expressions that day.

"Sir... don't you think that now that Professor Snape's presence here isn't a secret anymore for our enemies... well, maybe some of my friends could know too."

"Do you really want Miss Granger to know that you're spending most of your free time with Professor Snape?"

"I was mostly thinking about Ron, but... I think they should both know. If anything might happen, I would like them to know what's going on. What if Death Eaters try to attack Professor Snape here?"

"I don't think they'll reach him easily, but maybe you're right. But don't expect your friends to accept the idea of your relationship with Severus."

"We're just... We've just become friends."

"I'm not sure it's only friendship. What do you think?"

Harry blushed and looked down.

"I... I love him, sir, but he doesn't believe me."

"Oh yes, he does. He just doesn't want to accept it. Someone caring for him... you can't understand how frightful something like this could be for him."

"Errr... actually, no sir."

"You'll understand some day. Well, you're already late for your next class so I suggest you just skip it and go tell Severus the news. As you had Divination, I'm sure Professor Trelawney wouldn't be surprised, she certainly had foreseen your missing from her class today. But just in case, I'll go and excuse you."

Harry smiled and headed to the fireplace then Floo-ed to Snape's quarters. The man was asleep on the couch, a book opened on his chest. Harry didn't want to wake him. He looked so peaceful. But he wanted so much to touch him. He hadn't wanted to cut his hair and it looked like a black silky pillow around the man's head. So tempting. The boy reached out and lightly stroke the single white lock. Another thing Snape hadn't wanted to change. There was a spell so simple that Harry could have turned it black again, but the man just had refused. Somehow Harry found it had something sexy. Black eyes opened and he found himself dragged on the other wizard's body where the now discarded book had been.

"Shouldn't you be in class? I should bring you to Filch, he would be delighted."

"Isn't there a way to buy your silence?"

"I think so."

When they finally stopped kissing Harry got up and looked worried again.

"I came to bring you some news."

When Harry finished telling Snape what he'd seen the man's good mood had let place to worry.

"They're inside. They're still young but maybe they're already Death Eaters themselves. You can't let anyone know about your visits. Or about my feelings for you. They would try to reach me by hurting you and I can't let this happen. Harry, you must be careful. You can't come here as often as before, now."

"But–"

"No, Harry. You're too important, both for me and the rest of the wizarding world, though not for the same reasons. You can't take risks just to see me. I can't be selfish, it's too dangerous."

"I don't care! I need to be with you! I–"

"Open your eyes, Harry! We all need you! And *I* need you... I don't want to risk losing you again, do you understand?"

"Alright, but what about your security? What if they find where you are? They know you're here, somewhere at Hogwarts. Your dungeon is the first place they would be looking in."

"Maybe I should move, then. Leave Hogwarts."

"NO!! Maybe... maybe we can find some place where they would never be looking for you. Hey, what about Gryffindor Tower?"

"I'm sorry but if you were trying to be funny, it didn't work."

"I was serious."

"Harry, I understand you would be delighted to have me there. I'm certain you would manage to make your Weasley friends tolerate me there. I'm not really sure I could trust Miss Granger, but as a Gryffindor, I think she wouldn't try anything. But the other students of your house... And worse: what about Professor McGonagall?"

"The Weasleys would be OK if I explained them the reason of your presence in our house. Hermione... well, she seemed to know I was concerned by something, so I think she won't be a real problem. About the other students... maybe my 'celebrity' could help us this time, especially if I speak about it to Creevey. As you said, we're Gryffindors. If I present it as the honor task it would be protecting a teacher from treacherous murderers and fighting against Voldemort, then everybody would be alright. Let the Headmaster convince Professor McGonagall."

"You forget a detail. You won't be protecting a teacher but the most hated teacher of the whole school."

"I am the Boy Who Lived. If I say you're OK they'll all listen to me. And you know I hate using that damn fame."

"And where exactly do you plan to let me stay? On a corner of the carpet in the common room?"

"I would have liked to add a bed in my dormitory, but I'm not sure they would accept that. So... maybe the Prefect room. Without the Prefect, of course."

"That would mean no more time together. No more Harry-in-my-arms, no more kisses..."

"If it can save your life it's a really small sacrifice."

"I don't know, Harry, it sounds silly."

Two hours later a still slightly stunned Head of Gryffindor gathered her students in Gryffindor Tower's common room. She hushed her rather noisy little crowd and cleared her throat.

"Professor Dumbledore is asking for our help. This is some sort of secret mission against our enemies, and I insist on the fact it has to remain secret. No one is to talk about what's going to happen here to anyone outside this room. A special spell will be protecting this place so no ghost or House-Elf will be able to enter, too. What is asked from you is to protect a teacher from the Death Eaters. We know they already tried to get to him and are ready to try again in order to kill him. We'll be keeping him here because nobody would suspect him to be here."

The common room was filled with excited whispers. All were curious to know who the teacher was, and very proud of being chosen for such a mission. Only three students weren't joining them. Ron and Hermione were looking bitterly at Harry, already informed of what was going on. When the room was silent again, McGonagall went on.

"The teacher will be staying in the Prefect room, who will be reassigned to another one. You're not supposed to be specially nice or friendly with him, I just ask you to remain polite, and I suggest you not to try talking to him if he doesn't seem in the mood for it."

Some of the students were beginning to have a bad feeling about their new resident. They hoped he wouldn't be as annoying as Professor Lockhart or creepy as Professor Moody had been. Harry was slightly smiling and Ron and Hermione were looking at him, a bit annoyed.

"Keep in mind that this is something really important. Something serious. Professor Dumbledore has faith in your Gryffindor sense of honor, loyalty and helpfulness. I need you all to swear you won't betray us."

The few seconds were filled with a noisy promise from the whole room. Harry was still smiling and, noticing it, McGonagall smiled back. They both couldn't wait to see the look on the other Gryffindors. She turned and the whole room was silent again. The portrait door opened and McGonagall motioned for someone invisible to come in then closed the portrait. The look of shock and horror on almost all of the Gryffindors when Snape removed the Invisibility Cloak was priceless. Harry and McGonagall exchanged a very amused look. Snape wasn't smiling, as usual, but Harry knew that he was having as much fun as they were, if it wasn't more.

Ron and Hermione were going to ask a lot of questions and Harry wasn't sure he could answer them all. Dumbledore had agreed for a few of them but talking of their new relationship was still forbidden. Ron elbowed his friend to get his attention.

"What happened to him? Have you seen his hair?"

"Azkaban."

"What?!"

"Shhh! Not here. If you have questions I think you should ask them all now. But not here. Come."

"Harry, why was he wearing your Invisibility Cloak? It was yours, wasn't it?"

"Come. I'll tell you what I can outside."

He turned to Hermione, who wasn't following them, and tried not to sound bitter. He would need his friend, he would follow Snape's advice.

"You too, Hermione."

He remembered Snape's dream about his forgiveness. He wouldn't kiss Hermione but he knew from her unexpected smile that these simple words had had the same effect. He had forgiven everyone, now. They would be all united again against their true enemy. When they reached the garden the sun was already low. They didn't have much time, so Harry quickly explained to a horrified Ron what had happened months ago and how things had changed in Harry's opinion about Snape. He didn't tell them about his or the man's real feelings and the way their relationship had recently changed.

"We've become friends, as hard as it is to believe it. You know, he's not as horrible as you think. He can be a kind man. And he's loyal."

"But... but he raped you!"

"Ron, did you listen to me?"

"OK, but... He's a greasy bastard and now we have to have him around instead of the Slytherins."

"Don't annoy him and he'll be OK with you too. At least he won't be harsh. I hope. Well, the good thing is he can't take points from us or give us detentions."

When they came back to their common room everything was quiet. No one seemed to dare making any noise now they had Snape near them. Harry wanted to see him but as he reached his door his friends were still with him. He sighed faintly and knocked. The door opened and Harry entered, finally relieved when he saw that his friends wouldn't follow. Just to be certain, he closed the door.

"I knew it was you. The good thing with my bad reputation is that I won't be disturbed by anyone."

"I think it will be more difficult than I thought. Having you so close to my room... and I won't be able to stay with you..."

"What about Hogsmeade week-ends?"

"I just made peace with Hermione. I think I should go with them next time. Unless I come up with a good excuse."

"Did you talk to them about... us?"

"I only said we are friends. Not..."

"Not what? What exactly do you think we are?"

Snape was smiling. His lips didn't move but his eyes were showing what would have been mischief. Harry pulled him closer and kissed him.

"What about... lovers?"

"Lovers? Harry, you don't really–"

"I love you. And what about your feelings for me? What do you call it?"

"... Love."

The word felt strange in his mouth. It wasn't a word he was used to say.

"Tell it, then."

"I love you, Harry."

He leaned and pressed his lips on the boy's again.

"If I love you and you love me, what do you think we are, then?"

"Alright, Harry. You're right, we're lovers. But please don't tell this to your friends, they would manage to get me back to Azkaban."

"We'll go together, then, because no one would forgive me from killing them."

"There are things we haven't been thinking about, you know. What about food? Are you going to bring me food from the Great Hall? Someone would see you."

"We'll ask Professor Dumbledore to link the common room's fireplace to his office, so there won't be any difference."

"And what about my... hobby? You know, Potions."

"Maybe we could arrange that too. No one would dare approaching your belongings so you don't have to worry about occupying a part of our common room with a cauldron and some of your disgusting jars."

"I wouldn't want a Gryffindor to invade Slytherin's common room so I won't make the same here. I'll stay in my room."

"As you like. But don't complain."

They started and parted as they heard a knock on the door.

"As I'm already here, it can only be the Headmaster."

"Yes, Albus?"

"I just wanted to check if everything was alright. Do you need something else?"

"Yes. Voldemort dead and Harry a few years older so I can finally be free to live as I want."

"I'm afraid you have to be patient for both of these, Severus."

"Sir, we were just discussing it, and... could you arrange things so I could use ours and your fireplace to bring Professor Snape's meals? And also, could we bring him a cauldron and some other things to play with?"

Snape glared at him but Harry ignored it. Dumbledore, however, was enjoying himself.

"Alright, I'll make sure it will be done. Oh, and... congratulations, Severus. You finally acknowledged your feelings..."

"Get out !!"

Dumbledore chuckled and left.

"I can't believe he's still spying on us."

"Old git."

"Professor!"

"Please, Harry, stop calling me this. Use my name, will you?"

"Yes, sir."

"You're hopeless."

Though there had been excited discussions in the common room and the dormitories, none of the Gryffindors let anybody know in the Great Hall that something very strange (and unwanted) was happening in their Tower. True to their word, as good Gryffindors should be. For the first time in a long while Harry was dining with his friends, but he couldn't help swallowing his food as fast as he could. Hermione looked at him with exasperation.

"You know, if you really have to eat like this I think you should give up taking your meals here again. And go back to him, as you seem to be in such a hurry..."

"I'm sorry but he needs me. I mean, he's certainly waiting for me to bring him dinner."

"You're not his slave, Harry. He doesn't deserve all you're doing for him."

"How can you say this? You don't even know him!"

"Quiet! These damn Slytherins could hear us."

Harry ignored her and finished swallowing his food then stood.

"I'll skip dessert. We'll meet in the Tower."

Ron looked at his friend getting out of the Hall and shook his head.

"I really don't understand how he can be so nice with that bastard. *We* are his friends, he didn't need a new one."

"I don't like this."

"Me too."

"There's something else..."

"What do you mean?"

"I'm not sure yet. Come on, we can skip dessert too."

"But, Hermione–"

"No 'but', Ron. Come."

She dragged him out and up to the Tower then headed to Snape's new room. Ron was getting more and more nervous as they got nearer. He knew his friend had something in mind and even though he didn't know what it was, he was somehow sure it wasn't a good idea. Hermione knocked and Ron seemed to shrink.

"Professor Snape, is Harry here?"

"Get away!"

Hermione was sure she heard giggles coming from the room. How could Harry be having fun around that man?

"Hermione, we should get away, you're annoying him."

"Wait a minute. This is *our* house. He's here almost against our will. He may be a teacher but he has no more right than any of us, here. He's the invader, you understand."

"You're crazy. He's going to find a way to make you pay if you piss him off."

"Could you please continue this conversation somewhere else? I don't like people talking loudly in front of my door."

They both jumped at the sound of the quietly menacing voice. They mumbled something that sounded like apologies and rushed towards the farthest corner of the common room. Snape closed the door and turned to a grinning Harry.

"You didn't have to terrify them like this."

"Alright, if you want to join them, you're free. I'll just sit there and eat alone in silence. Then I'll take a book an go to bed without anyone kissing me goodnight..."

"I can't believe it! You're blackmailing me? I skipped dessert to come here quicker and here is my reward."

"Maybe I could skip the whole meal and get a special dessert, then. What do you think?"

"I think we're not in your Dungeon anymore and there are too many people who could see or hear us."

"That sounds even more exciting."

"I've left something for you. Be creative."

Harry kissed the man's lips and left the room to join his friends. They spent the rest of the evening speaking, trying to catch back the lost time of the previous months. The rest of the Gryffindors joined them in the common room, carefully avoiding the proximity of Snape's room. When almost everyone had gone to bed later that night Harry finally decided to climb to his dormitory and wait. Time passed and he was fighting to stay awake. He started wondering if Snape had found what he had left him. As he was drifting into sleep the feeling of someone's presence brought him back to reality. He had gotten used to that presence and it didn't even surprise him. Silence suddenly surrounded him and he knew it was due to a spell. Then the curtains of his bed moved slightly and he had to make some space as he felt the mattress sink under the weight of his now revealed guest. He grabbed his wand while murmuring 'Lumos', using it as a flashlight.

"I thought you wouldn't come. Or that maybe you didn't find the cloak."

"I'm not stupid, I knew what to look for as soon as you told me you left something for me. I just wanted to be sure everyone was asleep."

"And I almost was, too. So, is it exciting enough?"

"You know I shouldn't be there."

"That's the point."

"I knew I shouldn't have accepted your house's hospitality."

"Did you come here only to complain?"

The conversation stopped as Harry was pushed back on the bed and silenced by a tongue hungrily exploring his mouth. He moaned loudly and Snape was glad he'd cast the Silence spell. Waking the other boys now would have led him straight back to Azkaban. He broke the kiss to explore Harry's neck, kissing and licking the tender flesh, then continued down to the boy's partially exposed chest. He deftly finished to unbutton the offending pajama top and resumed his lips' journey. Harry gasped and moaned as the man nipped and licked his left nipple while gentle fingers were massaging the other one. Snape finally stopped his little torture and rested his head on the boy's chest, listening to his heartbeat. It would have been a wonderful way to lull him to sleep if he could have slept there.

"Severus, please..."

The sound of his name in Harry's mouth made him shiver. Only a few people dared call him by his first name so he didn't hear it often, and he didn't care. But now he knew he could listen to Harry calling his name for hours and still shiver at the sound. He went up and whispered in the boy's ear.

"What, love?"

"Please... I want you to... you know, like the other day..."

"Explain yourself clearly, Potter."

"Stop teasing me. Please..."

The man chuckled and kissed him then pulled the covers.

"It won't be easy like this, we don't have much space. Sit, and put these down."

Harry sat quickly and removed his pajama bottom. Severus could only feast on the delightful sight of the naked body before him. He let his fingers trail along the soft skin, drawing patterns on the boy's chest and belly before moving to his thighs. Harry shivered as the fingers stroke his inner thigh.

"Please..."

Severus smiled and lowered his head. Harry stopped thinking in that instant, only focusing on the warmth and pleasure spreading in his body. He knew any of his friends could wake and look at the reason why the curtains were moving, but the thrill of it only enhanced his pleasure. It only took a few minutes of Severus' attentions before Harry tensed and screamed his pleasure, well aware that nobody could hear him. The boy let himself be pulled to lie back on the bed, his eyes closed and a sated smile on his lips. Severus chuckled and was about to kiss him when he remembered the boy complaining about his own taste on the man's tongue last time. He settled for only lying against him for a while.

Harry woke with a feeling of loneliness. When his mind cleared he realized that it certainly was because for the first time he had fallen asleep in someone's arms, adding the fact that that someone was the one he loved. He cursed and blinked as Ron tore open the curtains of his bed.

"Get up! We're going to be late!"

"Oh, Ron, stop yelling... It isn't that late, is it?"

"I brought you some toasts from breakfast so you won't go to class with an empty stomach."

"It's that late?!"

Harry was about to jump out of bed when he remembered he was only dressed in his pajama top. Letting Ron see that would be embarrassing and would also lead to endless questions, starting by "why are you sleeping without your pajama bottom?" and going on with "why are you blushing?". Not to mention the risk of hearing "why is there a long black hair on your pillow?"...

"Errr... go tell Hermione I'm coming. Oh no!..."

"What, now?"

"Go ahead and please tell Professor Flitwick I'll be late. Just say I was sick, that should be enough."

"You're sick?"

"No. I just don't want someone to skip breakfast by my fault."

Ron frowned and shook his head disapprovingly.

"Really, Harry, he doesn't deserve it... Well, go wake Prince Charming, I'll shamelessly lie to a teacher for you."

"Ron..."

Harry sighed as his friend turned his back and angrily left the room. Dressing and washing quickly, Harry rushed down to the common room and went to get Severus' breakfast. Dumbledore took the opportunity to advise him to get more rest at night and Harry lowered his head as he felt his cheeks getting hot. Did the Headmaster know? Back in the common room Harry rushed to Snape's room and was greeted by a sardonic smile.

"You're late, boy. Would it happen that you didn't have enough sleep last night?"

"Are you sure you want your breakfast?"

"Did I forget to mention I'm allowed to take points from your house if anyone here doesn't behave?"

"What?!"

"Just ask dear Minerva if you don't believe me... Now, slave, serve me."

Harry rolled his eyes and put the tray on the table before the man. Deciding to play the game, he poured him tea and started spreading marmalade on his toasts. He felt a hand grabbing him and suddenly found himself sitting on the man's lap.

"Severus, I'm going to be late."

"I want my slave close to me."

"And maybe you want me to feed you too?"

"That wouldn't be a bad idea."

"Severus–"

"You're already late."

Harry sighed and grabbed a toast, bringing it to the man's lips. Severus started munching on his toast happily, at least Harry supposed that faint change in the man's eyes was a sign of happiness. As he took the last bit of toast Severus grabbed Harry's wrist and started methodically licking the boy's fingers. Harry shuddered and felt his pants getting suddenly tighter. He tried shifting but the man's hand that wasn't busy holding his wrist pressed firmly against his thigh.

"Where do you think you're going? Don't tell me you're late, you're late enough to skip that class."

"What are you suggesting, then?"

"I finish breakfast, you clean up, and if there's enough time left you can start preparing some ingredients for me."

"You're really taking this slave thing seriously? Why don't you ask one of your Slytherins?"

"Because I can't trust them."

Harry bit his lip, something Severus found rather inspiring. But they didn't really have the time for any interesting activity. Besides he suspected the Headmaster was watching.

The next Friday evening arrived with the sudden news of a visit to Hogsmeade for the next day. Dumbledore had been uncertain about sending the student there, certainly, as Harry thought, due to the fact that the two Slytherin traitors would have the opportunity to meet some far-from-respectable people. Ron smiled widely at the good news.

"You're coming with us, Harry, aren't you?"

"Well..."

"Come on, you can leave that... him alone for a day. We're your friends too, remember?"

"Ron's right. You're not his slave, Harry. You can't spend all your time taking care of him like this. We also need you."

Harry smiled at them both.

"Alright, I'll come. You're right, last time we went to Hogsmeade together wasn't a good memory. I'm going to tell him, I'll join you in a while."

He left his friends sitting in front of the fireplace and headed to the now familiar door. He opened it and entered to find Severus quietly reading in an armchair. He opened his mouth but the man spoke before him.

"Where are your manners, Potter? What gives you the right to storm into people's room without even bothering to knock? Five points from Gryffindor."

"But–"

"No, but. Get out and try being polite."

Harry stood stunned for a few seconds then went out, knocked and waited. He was getting used to understand the man's feelings by looking in his eyes and he knew that this time he was serious. Twenty long seconds of waiting. When he heard "Come in" he forced himself to open the door as quietly as he could and entered.

"What do you want?"

"Why did you do this? Alright, I should have knocked, maybe, but I never knock to enter your rooms and you didn't need to be that harsh and to take points from me."

"Are you planning to lecture me, Potter?"

"No, sir. I came to tell you I'm going to Hogsmeade tomorrow so I won't be able to stay with you."

"I know."

"You know? Is it the reason why you are so angry?"

He came closer to the man and knelt in front of him, resting his arms on the man's thighs. A hand automatically went to stroke his hair.

"You're jealous, aren't you?"

"Why should I be. They're just your friends. I'm not really glad to know you're going to Hogsmeade alone. I've been worrying, it could be dangerous. That's why I was upset first."

"If the Headmaster thinks it's safe then there's no reason to worry. Besides, I'll take my invisibility cloak with me just in case."

"Alright. But I still stick to my opinion about your entry. I wouldn't want anyone from your house thinking they can be that familiar with me just because I'm not a teacher anymore."

"You'll be again some day."

"Well, then, if you go spending your time in Hogsmeade you could do something useful. I need you to buy me a few things."

He quickly wrote what Harry realized with a smile was a shopping list. When he handed it to the boy Harry gaped at it.

"All that? Do you really think I can bring you back that much things?"

"Your friends can be useful for once. Ask them to help you. Here's some money, and if someone asks questions tell it's for Dumbledore. And copy that list, the shop-owner would recognize my writing."

"Is that all? May I go, now?"

"No. You forgot to kiss me."

If Harry hadn't been so tempted he would have left at once. After a few minutes of kissing he went back to the common room.

"That bastard took points from me because I didn't knock! And we have to do shopping for him tomorrow."

"I thought he couldn't take points from us!"

"That changes a lot of things... I think we should tell everyone."

Hermione eyed Harry as he showed him the shopping list.

"Harry, what happened to your lips?"

"My lips? Errr..."

Five minutes of passionate kissing. Now his lips were swollen. He should have thought about it. A commotion in the room saved him as some other students had discovered the good news pinned to the board.

The day at Hogsmeade went happily until Hermione remembered Harry to go buy Snape's supplies. They entered what in the girl's opinion was a wonderfully interesting shop, and in the boys' one a very boring and sinister place. As Snape had thought the trio was eyed suspiciously. Harry just didn't want to know what was the use of the ingredients on the list. He just had to tell the Headmaster's name and the shop-owner treated them as if they were Dumbledore himself. They went out all carrying a heavy bag and complaining about it when Harry stopped dead. He hid in an alley, followed by his friends.

"What's the matter?"

"You didn't see them? Crabbe and Goyle."

"So what? Even Slytherins come here."

"They were alone, just the two of them, and they were looking around, they seemed to be looking for something. Or someone."

"Maybe they've lost Malfoy and can't find their way back to Hogwarts."

Hermione shook her head and gave Ron her bag, joining Harry in his surveillance.

"It looks like they're going out of town."

"Let's follow them."

"What?! Are you mad? If they've really turned as bad as you think, it's too dangerous. Hermione, you're sensible enough to understand this, aren't you?"

"Stay here if you want, you'll keep the bags."

"Are you kidding?"

He gave her her bag and followed them. They managed to hide until they reached the outskirts but couldn't follow anymore. Harry got his Invisibility Cloak out of his robes.

"Stay here. I'll follow them. If I don't come back in half an hour, go tell the Headmaster."

He put on the cloak, casting a silence spell around him, and followed the two boys. He was used to walk with the cloak on, now, and it helped him get near them faster. He followed them along the path to the forest, grateful to his silence spell. It didn't take long before he found the proof he had been looking for. The two boys stopped and two hooded and masked figures joined them. Harry walked slowly nearer in order to hear them. He knew he had to be careful even with the cloak and the spell. The two boys couldn't detect him but he wasn't so sure about the Death Eaters.

He tried to listen to the conversation but could only hear some words like "traitor", "make him pay", and "kill him slowly". He didn't like the idea, especially if said traitor was Severus. Then more clearly:

"Keep searching, boys. We're certain Snape is hiding somewhere at Hogwarts. It's the safest place for him, he can only be there. Find him!"

The two boys bowed at the departing Death Eaters and turned back towards Hogsmeade. Harry didn't move and only returned when they were out of sight. He had to go back to Hogwarts at once.

"Here's your shopping."

"Since when do you refer to me as a bastard?"

"What?"

"You called me a bastard when you left to join your friends yesterday night. I know I'm gifted by the students with a large variety of rather interesting names and I really don't care, but hearing one of them in your mouth doesn't please me."

"I was angry for the points."

"It's not a reason."

"Alright, but take your shopping, it's heavy. And I have some news, too. I'm going to see the Headmaster, you should come with me."

They went straight to Dumbledore's office. As always, the Headmaster wasn't surprised to see them come, as if he was well aware of everyone's move in the school. Harry sometimes wondered if he didn't have a Marauder's Map himself. The old wizard offered them some tea and candies then Harry told them what had happened a few hours before. Dumbledore looked worried. Severus' face didn't show any emotion, as always. The Headmaster rose and went scratching Fawkes' head.

"I'm afraid the word of a student in something so important won't be enough..."

"Why not using the usual argument, Albus? Everybody praises the Boy Who Lived. For once it could be useful. They'll believe whatever he'll say."

"Aurors aren't so easily impressed, Severus. But I'll see what I can do about all this. I don't like the idea of sending Aurors to my students, but the idea of what these students could do to the rest of us..."

"Albus, if you need me to as a bait, I'll help."

"Severus, no!"

Both men stared as Harry looked horrifiedly at Severus.

"You can't! You can't do that to me. I need you."

"Harry, you're still a bit emotionally weak–"

The boy didn't try to argue, locking his lips with his lover's instead. Suddenly oblivious of his surroundings, the man wrapped his arms around the boy's smaller body and kissed him back. He could feel trust and worry coming from him, and something even more powerful. He knew what it was but just tried to deny it once more. The boy simply couldn't really love him, it was just some teenager's crush, nothing more. Soon it would pass, and he would find himself alone, again. When they finally broke the kiss Snape was aware of the Headmaster's twinkling eyes on them. He felt a bit shameful. He suspected that the older wizard knew exactly what was going on between Harry and him but he hadn't planned to let him know how close exactly they were.

"I'm sorry, Albus..."

"Don't be. I prefer seeing you two like this. I just suggest you continue this... activity in your room, I think Fawkes is getting a bit impressed by this display of affection."

There was a faint change in Severus' face, one that Harry had learnt and labeled "repressed smile". He went back to the fireplace, dragging the boy with him. Once they were back in the man's room he looked at Harry with a sudden stern look.

"Don't do that again. I don't like to admit I've weaknesses but you are one of them, and I'm sure you're aware of the effect you have on me. So don't kiss me in public again."

"I'm sorry. I... I was just afraid to lose you."

"You won't."

"No, I won't. Because I won't let you go and play the bait for these monsters."

"Harry, it's not only me. Don't you understand? They're inside. They want to bring me to Voldemort. Do you think they'll stop there? Who'll be next? You? Your friends? At least, think about your friends, as the true Gryffindor you are."

"Was it your Gryffindor part talking?"

"Is it your Slytherin part trying to act selfishly? Slytherins may be selfish but when it comes to protecting their house mates I can assure you they become as brave and loyal as any Gryffindor."

"You're one of our house, now. We'll protect you."

"Oh yes, of course. I can easily imagine your friends protecting their dear Potions Master..."

"Show them you're not the bastard they think you are."

"You're not serious, are you? Being nice with you doesn't mean I can be nice with them. There's a big difference: I love you, and I only feel for them the minimum a teacher is supposed to. That means... not much."

Harry sighed resignedly. How could have he been stupid enough to believe he could change the man? But maybe with time... If life let them have time together. And if Severus agreed to have more time with him in the future. But for now, he knew he won't be able to stop the man from going right into the Death Eaters' hands. All he could do was being there to protect him.

The boys were asleep when the door to their dormitory opened and closed silently. A few seconds later it was the turn of the Prefect's room door to open and close on thin air. Severus had fallen asleep while reading in his bed. The book left his chest where it was lying and went to rest on the bedside table. The man frowned slightly and opened his eyes.

"What are you doing here in the middle of the night? And remove that cloak when I'm talking to you."

A chuckle filled the silence, followed by the faint rustling sound of a cloak falling on the floor. Harry smiled and his pajama top was opened on tempting skin.

"I didn't think you were already asleep, I didn't plan to wake you."

"Never mind. Is something wrong?"

"I couldn't sleep. I couldn't help thinking about what happened today, about the fact that I may lose you. Prefects' beds are large, did you notice?"

"Don't even think of it, you won't sleep here."

"Nobody will notice."

"I said no."

"You're not convincing."

Before the man could argue again Harry slipped between the sheets and cuddled against Severus. Resting his head on the man's bare chest he ran a hand along his back.

"Let me stay, please. I promise I won't try to tempt you."

"Really? What do you think you're currently doing?"

The hand left his back and the boy's head went to rest on the pillow.

"It was far more comfortable to be so close to you but if you let me stay like this I promise I won't touch you. Please."

"If Voldemort doesn't kill me, you will. Alright, you can stay, but I won't help you explain to your friends why you weren't in your bed, tomorrow morning."

He dragged Harry against him and blew the candle. As the boy didn't dare to move again he took his hand and placed it on his back. Harry smiled in the dark and settled more comfortably. Soon his breathing went quiet and regular and Severus knew the boy was asleep, trusting the man completely. So many things had changed. He had fantasized about such a situation many times before but what he had never suspected was the feeling of warmth and happiness he could get from simply holding the boy in his arms. Maybe it was because he had never known such feelings before. Maybe Harry was right, maybe they were just two children trying to comfort each other.

He concentrated on the feeling of the boy's heart beating against his chest and tried to control his own heart. Soon it settled for a quieter pace and after a few minutes their hearts were finally beating in unison. Severus regretted that harry couldn't feel this too. It felt like they were one. It was his last thought before he fell asleep with a serene smile on his lips.

The last class of the day was finally over and Harry ran back to Gryffindor tower. He just felt the need to see Severus, to be close to him. He reached the Prefect's room door and knocked but got no answer. Leaning against the door he tried to listen but no sound came from the room. Severus couldn't be asleep so early. Harry started panicking for no reason, only something inside him telling him something was wrong. He opened the door, not caring about the man's wrath, even hoping it would happen. The room was dark and empty. Indeed something was wrong, Severus never left the room for long and he couldn't find him in the common room. He ran to the Prefect's bathroom but it was empty too. Only one word came to his mind: bait.

He rushed to the Headmaster's office but Dumbledore wasn't there. He cursed at the feeling of helplessness that overwhelmed him. He knew Severus was in danger, he knew the Headmaster had finally found some Aurors to try to catch the Death Eaters who were sent to kill Snape. But he just couldn't stay there and wait. The situation was too perilous. But he didn't have the slightest idea of the place they were. He looked around for some clue but didn't find anything. Only Fawkes staring at him.

"Fawkes! Lead me!"

The Phoenix took off and landed on the boy's shoulder. They reached the fireplace and Floo-ed back to the common room. Harry ran upstairs to get his broom then followed Fawkes by the window. He wondered if the bird had received instructions from Dumbledore or was acting on his free will to help him. One thing was certain: he knew where to go and he knew they didn't have much time. Soon Fawkes started flying in circles above the trees and Harry landed near the place the bird was showing. The Phoenix reached a nearby branch and waited there, looking at Harry.

And Harry was staring right in front of him, where Severus stood facing five Death Eaters. He had to do something but what? They were two against five. Even if he counted on the surprise there was still the danger of being hit by an Unforgivable Curse. But he couldn't stay there and wait. Just as he grabbed his wand he heard a cold laugh behind him. He turned and faced a sixth Death Eater, ready to defend himself and Severus as best as he could but they were both distracted by the screaming coming from the little group. Harry understood the Aurors had attacked but before he could do anything his own opponent was pointing his wand at him.

"Come with me. We can't have the traitor but our Master will be even more delighted to have you instead."

Harry backed away. This wasn't just a simple Death Eater. He could feel power from this one. In other words, he was in danger. He decided to try the only thing that wasn't expected from him: running away. As he was reaching the somehow comforting Aurors he heard his stalker yelling "Crucio" and he found himself falling flat on the ground. It took him a few seconds to realize that the slight pain in his back wasn't due to the curse but was coming from a body covering him. Protecting him. The scream of pain wasn't coming from him, as it should have, but from above him.

"Severus!"

He tried to turn but the man was still pressing him to the ground. Then he felt hands grabbing him and pulling him to safety. He looked up and met Dumbledore's worried eyes.

"What were you doing here? Why do you think we didn't tell you what was going on? We knew it was dangerous. The good thing is you brought us that sixth man we hadn't seen. Who knows what he could have done if we hadn't spotted him..."

"I'm sorry, sir. I was... I was so worried. I wanted to help Severus and I just put him in more trouble."

All was quiet again. The Aurors had bound the six wizards and one of them was crouching by Severus' side. Harry rushed and pushed the man aside.

"Don't touch him! He's nothing to do with this! He's not one of them!"

He pulled Severus' motionless form against him under the confused eyes of the Auror. Dumbledore joined them and smiled at the sight. Harry was cradling Severus, crying and telling him he was sorry.

"Harry, if you don't let us take care of him properly he will suffer more than he should."

"He suffered by my fault."

"No, he suffered for you, because he cares for you. Just like your parents did that awful night. Well, at least Severus is alive. Let me take him back to the castle."

Herry stood and watched Dumbledore summoning a stretcher, placing the other man on it. As the boy reached for his broom Fawkes flew away and he could hear Dumbledore laughing. He turned and looked at the older wizard questioningly.

"I wondered how you found this place so easily. Of course, it had to be Fawkes. You see, he's very fond of you, and he's understood what was going on between Severus and you. I'm sure he was very glad to help you come to the rescue."

"I thought that maybe you told him to lead me here..."

"Right into danger? I wouldn't have done something like this."

"Are you sure you never did it?"

They looked at each other and smiled.

Two hours later Severus woke to find a very worried Harry sitting by his side. They weren't in the hospital wing but back in Severus' room in Gryffindor Tower.

"How do you feel?"

"What did you think you were doing? You could have been killed! You could have been taken to Voldemort!"

"But... I wanted to help you. I wanted to be by your side, to fight by your side and protect you."

"There were Aurors to protect me. They're trained to it, you're not. Do you realize how worried I've been when I saw you there? When I heard the curse?"

"I'm sorry."

"I should have told you. Maybe if I hadn't left without a word..."

"You wouldn't have been able to leave."

"Oh really? So you think you're strong enough?"

Harry smiled and leaned to kiss the man's lips. Severus tried to raise a hand to the boy's face but it fell back on the bed. The hand was immediately taken in smaller ones and kissed gently.

"Does it still hurt?"

"No. I feel just weak."

"That hit must have been more powerful than the one I received last year."

"I wish I had been there to block it from you, too."

"Don't be stupid. Voldemort would have killed you. He didn't seem to be pleased by his remaining Death Eaters."

There was a faint knock on the door and Severus frowned. He didn't want to see anyone except Harry but the boy went to open the door. Hermione's head appeared.

"Can... Can I come in, sir?"

The man sighed and Harry chuckled, opening the door wider to let his friend in. Severus looked very uneasy. He tried to sit but gave up as his muscles didn't cooperate. Hermione walked slowly toward the bed.

"We heard that you saved Harry, and... I brought you some chocolate cake and here's the potion Madam Pomfrey wants you to take."

She placed the cake and potion on the bedside table, smiled briefly then quickly headed to the door. As she was coming out she heard a quiet and neutral "Thank you, Miss Granger". She turned and smiled less nervously then closed the door.

"I can't believe you're getting civilized."

"One more word, Harry, and you never sleep in this bed again."

"Does it mean I can sleep here again, then?"

"No."

"It may be funny but I just can't believe you. Do you want your cake or your potion first? Let me guess: first the potion, then the cake to get that foul taste off."

"Are you criticizing my work?"

He drank his potion and managed not to frown too much at the taste but glared at Harry's laughing eyes. He finished his cake and Harry sat on the bed, helping him sitting against the pillows. The potion was already starting to get his muscles to work and he could have certainly managed to sit by himself but he decided to let the boy take care of him for a while more. Harry rested his head on the man shoulder and sighed.

"What now? Are you going back to your Dungeon?"

"I don't know. Albus will decide."

"What about these two Slytherin traitors?"

"I think we could get them expelled. But that doesn't mean there won't be any more danger. I think we can't ignore it, but that doesn't mean we must live with fear. We must face it. And be prepared to face it."

"Are you going to ask the Headmaster once again to take you as the new Defence against the Dark Arts teacher?"

"I won't be teaching anymore."

"I think you would be good in that class."

"You and your friends didn't seem to like the lesson you had with me in second year."

"Yes. Just like when you're teaching Potions. But just because we don't like the way you teach doesn't mean you're not doing it well."

"What about you, Harry? Why not trying to be a teacher and applying for the job? I'm sure it would fit you."

"With you as my assistant?"

"I won't be always around, you know. I'm staying at Hogwarts now because it's the only place where I'm safe and Albus needs me alive."

"I need you too, you're my only family, now."

"What about Black? He's what you have the closest to a family."

"But I can't see him often. I can't have him to take care of me, give me advice."

"He won't be happy if he learns I'm replacing him in this."

"Not to mention if he learns what we've been doing together..."

Severus smiled evilly. How he would like to see Black choking to death at the sight of his dear godson in his enemy's bed. But Black wouldn't be the only one to disapprove and try to separate them. A lot of people still didn't believe Severus' loyalty to Dumbledore and would see his relationship with the boy as a way to turn him to Voldemort's side. Maybe there was nothing bad for Harry in staying with him.

"Harry, I must tell you that once the war is over, if I'm still alive, I'll leave this place."

"Well, maybe I'll have finished my studies here, then, and I'll be able to follow you."

"No, you don't understand. You can't stay with me. It would only bring you trouble. People don't like Death Eaters, even if they're only ex-Death Eaters. I've done things that are impossible to forgive."

"What you did to me was impossible to forgive, too, but I forgave you. Why wouldn't they do the same for your past crimes?"

"Because people rarely take the time to think and try to understand. Besides I don't want them to forgive me, there's no reason they would do it. I had no right to kill and torture."

"You can't leave me. You have to think and understand too. Listen, I'll tell you a tale. Stop frowning, just listen to me.

"Once upon a time there was a young orphan wizard who didn't know what a family and love were. He grew up with the sad feeling of hatred and rejection. When he was a child he was punished for being a bad kid. When he got older people were hating him because he had done terrible things. But he wasn't bad. He just felt bad because he missed the love that could help him understand why life was so precious.

"A few years later, a baby wizard lost his parents, too. And he, in turn, wanted to learn what a family was, was it felt to love and be loved. He tried to find some hints from the people he met but it was always something that felt far away. He could see what it was but he could never feel it.

"And then the two wizards met. Together they learnt what love was. They became a family to each other. But life was again being unkind to them. People tried to separate them, thinking the younger wizard was too young to understand his feelings and that the older wizard was too bad for the younger one and taking advantage on him.

"So each went to live his own life. But none of them lived a happy life, both knowing they would have to face life and death alone. Knowing that the glimpse of happiness they had together wasn't meant for them. Knowing in their last instant that their lives had meant nothing. Not even sure that they would meet again after death."

The silence that followed Harry's tale felt even darker than the story itself had intended to be.

"Well, did you like my story?"

"Of course not. But..."

"But what? You know I'm right."

"Harry, you're still very young and you may find someone else later who would be the best companion you could have. And it can't be me. We've found love and happiness together, that doesn't mean you can't find it with someone else. You need someone younger than me, someone who would know how to have fun. You need someone who could give you a normal life."

"Everybody's always thought I wasn't a normal child. You're not what people could call normal, too. So why thinking we should have a normal life? I know it may sound weird, but... I think we were meant to live our lives together? We could at least give it a try. And I don't care about your age. You're not that old, by the way. I prefer someone older than me who could give me useful advice about life than a young fool like me who would follow me into danger. And I'm having fun with you, you know."

"And what would we be? Husband and wife? Two husbands? The Boy Who Lived sharing his life with his disgusting Death Eater Potions Master."

"First you're not disgusting and you're not a Death Eater anymore. And you should know by now that I don't care what people think of me if they keep on seeing me as the Boy Who Lived and not as Harry. How do you see me?"

"I see you as everything you are. A gorgeous teenager. A powerful young wizard. A promising student, when he agrees to work enough for his classes. A courageous boy ready to face any danger for the ones he loves... or maybe just for anybody. A child whose childhood had been taken away when he was just a baby. Someone who managed to make me love and feel loved, someone who brought fun and joy in my life. I think I saw you both as Harry and the Boy Who Lived. Because you can't deny what you are as a wizard as people can't deny what you are as a human being."

Harry looked at him silently and motionless, as though hypnotized by what had just been said. When he finally moved it was to throw himself against Severus, arms around the man's neck. The older wizard couldn't help smiling at the boy's usually enthusiastic display of love.

"Never leave me, Severus. I need you. I'll never find anyone else who'd understand me as you do. Besides I don't want anyone else. At least give it a try, what do you have to lose? I mean... we've never seen anyone close to you, and..."

"You'd better stop there, boy. You're going to say embarrassing things."

"Promise, then."

"I can't promise you anything you ask. And did you forget your age? You're a child. I can't live with you, I just don't have the right."

"I'll be sixteen in a few months... It'll be enough."

"You'll still be a student."

"But you're not a teacher anymore."

"Thank you for reminding me this."

"Oh, come on, you hate students. You don't need teaching, I'm sure you can do great useful things with your knowledge and skill. Not to mention intelligence."

"Flattery won't lead you anywhere. Not even in my bed."

"No? Then maybe this."

Harry's hand left Severus shoulder and ran along the man's body and paused on his thigh then gently caressed it. Severus didn't move or talk. What did the boy had in mind? Maybe it was just teasing, then he could let him continue. If anything went too far he could stop him soon enough. The boy's hand was still stroking his thigh, slowly coming closer to the man's groin. Severus breathing went a bit quicker and Harry noticed it. Suddenly his hand left Severus' thigh and awkwardly plunged into his trousers. Severus gasped.

"Harry, you can't–"

"Of course I can! I'm not doing this just to please you but because it pleases me too."

"I can't let you do this!"

"Why? There's no difference between doing it to me and letting me do it to you."

Doing it to him? So it was a blow job that the boy had in mind? It was worse than what Severus had thought. Or was it better? He tried to persuade himself he wanted to stop the boy but his body didn't seem to share that will. Harry chuckled as he saw the fighting emotions in the man's eyes and as he felt him harden under his hand.

"Stop this immediately."

"You know I won't. And you don't really want me to stop, you would have stopped me already. Just relax and enjoy. Well, I hope you'll enjoy it..."

Severus sighed and watched both with horror and excitement as Harry slowly unbuttoned his trouser. The boy sank to his knees on the floor and looked up at the man. Despite his words Harry would touch him without his consent and both of them knew it. They looked at each other for a few seconds then Severus closed his eyes. Harry understood the silent consent and lowered his head. Severus opened his eyes to see the boy's tongue take a tentative lick at his erection and got harder at that simple sight. He sighed and the boy, taking it as an encouragement, started licking his way along the shaft before finally wrapping his lips around the hot flesh. This time Severus moaned loudly and regretted he couldn't reach his wand to cast a Silence spell.

The boy's mouth was slowly driving him crazy. It was amazing how Harry could be good at learning. He tangled his fingers in the boy's hair and watched as he was trying to get him in further, choking slightly a few times.

"You won't manage to do it, Harry. You must relax your throat, and you won't do it that easily right now."

The boy moaned disapprovingly and Severus shivered at the sensation. Harry took a deep breath and the man soon found himself completely sheathed in the boy's mouth and throat. Indeed, he was a fast learner, but he didn't marvel at the boy's skill for long. Harry seemed to be enjoying himself but Severus knew it would change radically very soon if he didn't stop him.

"Harry, stop, I'm going to come."

But as stubborn as ever, the boy just grabbed the man's hips and clamped his lips harder around Severus' flesh. Repressing a cry, the older wizard gasped loudly. Harry marveled at the strange pleasure the knowledge of the power he currently had on the man gave him. The power to make him feel pleasure or pain. The power to reduce him to a panting and shivering man.

When Severus finally regained his breath and cleared his mind Harry was sitting by his side, watching him lovingly. And licking his swollen lips.

"You didn't let me kiss you because you found the idea of tasting yourself on my lips disgusting. And now..."

"I wanted to know what you tasted like. It's... strange. But I think I'll get used to it."

"Yes, but in a few years, because I won't let you do it again for a while. Are you aware of the fact we've just done something forbidden?"

"We've spent some time in the Forbidden Forest, too."

"Harry, I'm serious. What will we do if the Headmaster finds out? You know he may already know what you've just done. Or should I say, what I let you do."

"I'm sure he knows. And he didn't stop us. He likes us both, and he knows we've done nothing really wrong, so he let us do it. I think he simply wants us to be happy. Or maybe he just passed out from shock... Can we go to bed, now? I'm tired..."

Two days later Aurors came to Hogwarts and left with two students. The Headmaster managed to keep the other students away but some managed to see the Aurors leaving. And as always the news reached the whole school in no time, giving everyone a new interest: finding out why some Aurors had taken two Slytherins away. Harry smiled as he heard many unbelievable stories. He would remember some interesting ones and tell them to Severus, that would entertain him.

As he came back from the library Harry found himself facing Draco who looked rather pissed. He wasn't sure the Slytherin wasn't involved in any Death Eater activity and tried not to look concerned. As he tried to pass by, ignoring him, Draco grabbed Harry's robes and glared at him.

"The Aurors took my friends by your fault, Potter, and I'll never forgive you for this. But my friends tried to get Professor Snape killed, and that's something I'll never forgive them. And I must thank you for preventing this to happen. Despite our very different points of view, it seems we share the same opinion on Professor Snape. Even if your feelings are... stronger than mine, I think."

The boy turned and started walking away, leaving a very confused and worried Harry behind him. Draco had just thanked him... He must have really been happy that Severus was alive. But what was worrying Harry was his last sentence.

"Malfoy, wait! What did you mean by 'stronger feelings'?"

"I'm not as stupid as you think, Potter. I've heard what had happened when the Death Eaters attacked him. You were really upset, especially after he got hit to protect you."

"I like him... a lot."

"No, I'm the one who's liking him a lot. You love him. And I guess he's not indifferent to you. Did you notice how he'd always been protecting you since our first year?"

"Yes, I know. Please... don't tell anyone about all this. Not for me, I don't care if people know, but for him. It would put him in a very awkward situation."

"Do you really think I want him to be in trouble for a stupid guy like you?"

Draco laughed and left. Harry knew that for the first time he could trust him, but it was certainly the last. Back in Gryffindor's common room, as he told Severus about his little talk with the other boy, the man slightly smiled and shook his head.

"From the start he's been the one who was looking at me with awe while you were glaring at me with insolence. And it's you I liked, then. It's you I felt the need to protect."

"Alright, you saved me, or tried to, a few times, but why were you so harsh the rest of the time?"

"Think about it. What could I do when I couldn't spend my time following you to get you out of trouble or danger else than trying to be dissuasive?"

Harry just looked at Severus, trying to remember things from the past years, briefly regretting he didn't have a Pensieve. They turned their head at the sound of a knock at the window.

"Hedwig!"

Harry jumped to let her in, waiting for Severus to go back to his room. A spell had been cast on the window to let him wander freely in the common room without being seen from outside but as soon as the window was open anyone could easily spot him. And the Headmaster hadn't yet decided if he could go back to his dungeon or not. Harry suspected the man's mood was starting to deteriorate from the lack of being in said dungeon. After petting his owl and sending her back to the owlery Harry opened the letter and started reading on his way to Severus' room.

"Oh no..."

"Bad news?"

"It's from Sirius."

"Bad news, then."

"Will you two stop this little war? Don't you think there's a more important one outside?"

"Don't remind me, the Mark is still hurting."

"Another call? When?"

"This morning. But don't bother. What does that stupid dog wants?"

Harry tried to glare but Severus glared back in a more impressive way. The boy sighed resignedly and went on reading the letter.

"He's coming to see me. In the common room, tonight. He'll come in his dog form, that means he'll be able to smell you. I don't want him to know you're here, I don't want you two to fight again."

"Will he bring the werewolf, too?"

"I like them. You could at least stop being mean to them when I'm here! By the way, I never told you, but I really think that little revenge of telling all Slytherin that Professor Lupin was a werewolf was childish."

"How dare you? Impudent brat!"

The letter flew from his hands and Harry found himself pinned on Severus' bed, held there by the man's body. He panicked for less than a second, but this time the brief trace of humor he saw in the dark eyes let him know he had nothing to fear. He didn't try to run away as the man kissed him a bit roughly and ran his hands on his body. He wanted to feel those hands on his skin, he wanted to feel those lips tracing burning paths on his chest and belly. But he also knew these were things he couldn't be getting right now as someone was knocking at the door. Severus groaned and barked an angry "What?" at whoever dared disturbing them. Hermione's voice answered, adding to his quickly turning bad mood.

"Excuse me, Professor. Is Harry here? I need to see him."

Making sure that Harry had gotten up from the bed, he opened the door and let his annoying visitor in. Hermione looked from Severus to Harry with suspicious eyes. It turned to a very suspicious look and slight disbelief as she saw the partly undone bed covers. Her eyes shot to Harry's slightly swollen lips and she opened her mouth but prudently shut it when she thought of the danger of accusing Snape without proof. She was going to have a very serious talk with Harry, though. The boy grabbed the letter from the floor and started to excitedly tell his friend about next night visit, managing to drag her out of the room.

If Harry didn't notice her looks, Severus did. He didn't want the girl to go find Dumbledore and tell him what she had certainly cleverly understood. Or thought she understood. He had the Headmaster's trust and he didn't want to lose it again. But could he tell him exactly what was going on between Harry and him? He was well aware they had gone a bit too far and that nobody was going to openly tolerate that relationship, not even Albus. That left him an option: finding a Secret-Keeper and hide somewhere far from Hogwarts, and still somehow be able to work for Dumbledore and the Order. Until Harry graduate. Then maybe they could consider–

"You seem to be having dark thoughts, Severus. You're not thinking about leaving, are you?"

"Albus! This time don't tell me you're not reading minds."

"I'm not, I've only seen enough in my life to be able to understand people's expressions. So you plan to leave us?"

"I have to. Do you know what's going on between Harry and me? This can't go on like this. He needs time to... think about life. I'll find a Secret-Keeper who'll be able to know when my skills are needed. I can't ask you this, though you would be the perfect person. It just would be too obvious."

"Do you have someone in mind?"

"Yes."

"Well, then. When do you want to leave?"

"Tonight, before Black arrives. He's owled Harry he's coming visiting him tonight in the common room."

"Tonight? So soon? Did you talk about this with Harry?"

"Of course not, you know he would do anything to prevent me to go."

"I don't like the idea of hiding this to Harry but I'll help you. Black and him will meet in my office while you go away."

"Thank you Albus."

"Severus, just promise you won't hide from him forever. If he wants to see you again..."

"He's young, he'll find that I was right and he needed someone his age."

"We both know this isn't true, though."

Harry, Ron and Hermione climbed to the Headmaster's office that night and spent two hours with Sirius. When they went back to their dormitory Harry had the strange feeling that something wasn't right but thought it was simply due to his usual anxiety when Sirius was going away. He had unpleasant dreams that night but couldn't remember them in the morning, only the unease remaining. He froze when he opened Severus' door and thought he was still dreaming. Surely he was going to wake up. Hermione arrived behind him, concerned by her friend behavior.

"Harry, what's wrong? What happened? Where is he?"

The boy remotely heard concern in her voice, but he couldn't move or speak. His friends dragged him away from the empty room and forced him to sit in the common room. His eyes were fixed on the empty fireplace and he didn't blink when Ron waved his hand before him.

"Harry, don't be ridiculous. He's just gone, that's all. Maybe he's back in his dungeons."

"He's gone. I can't feel him."

"Alright, but that doesn't mean something had happened to him."

"He didn't tell me..."

"You know he never gave us any excuse for whatever he was doing."

"He didn't even say goodbye..."

Hermione crouched before him and took his hands.

"Harry, we're going to see Professor Dumbledore and ask him why Professor Snape is gone and why he didn't told you anything. And then I think you and I will need to talk."

She managed to drag Harry to the Headmaster's office but didn't get any reaction from her friend. But when they faced Dumbledore the boy seemed to wake and became slightly angry.

"Where is Severus? Why did he leave me without a word? Tell me where he is!"

"Sit down, my boy."

Harry obeyed and was offered a cup of tea. The warmth of the cup in his hands seemed to calm him a bit. Dumbledore finished his own cup and sighed at the anxious look on the boy's face.

"I don't know where Severus is. He's found a Secret-Keeper, so you shouldn't worry about him. I can assure you he'll be safe."

"Do you know who he's chosen?"

"Of course not. I swear, Harry, I don't know. But knowing Severus, he's chosen wisely."

"Why..."

"He left because... I don't think we could discuss this in from of Miss Granger."

"She's my friend."

Hermione started at her friend's voice. Things had seemed to turn back to their original state, then.

"Alright, then. Severus thought you had already gone too far together. He cares for you, you know it, he just wants you to live as any other boy your age should live. That's what he's always wanted for you."

"Gone too far? Harry, what does it mean?"

"You said we needed to talk, Hermione, I'll explain you then. Professor, why did you let him go without talking to me?"

"Do you really think you need the answer? He knew you wouldn't have let him go, of course!"

"Just one last thing. What will happen if his Secret-Keeper is killed?"

"Then... I'm sure that person, whoever it is, won't get killed."

Harry frowned with concern. If only he could find out who Severus had chosen. But he knew that trying to find out would risk putting Severus in danger. So he did nothing. For a bit more than two years. The first months were the worst. He felt alone and betrayed but fortunately his friends were always there for him. He remembered Severus telling him something about this one day. The man had been right, as always. Then he decided to focus on his studies and managed to surpass Hermione in Potions. His love life went back to nothing but something dormant.

Graduation was the thing Harry was desperately waiting for. He didn't really want to leave Hogwarts but that would mean he would be free to try to find Severus. With the war recently over, only a few followers of Voldemort were to be hunted and he was sure the man would soon be able to leave his hiding. Two days before leaving the school Harry went one last time to Dumbledore's office. Fawkes greeted him by coming to perch on his shoulder. He scratched under the phoenix's wing and accepted the cup of tea the Headmaster offered him.

"So you're leaving us, Harry. I was hoping you would stay to work here. This school could need your skills, you would just need a bit of teaching training."

"I sincerely would be happy to stay. I must confess I don't like the idea of leaving a place I consider like my home. But... I have things to do."

"And someone to look for."

"You know I'm stubborn."

"At least you're faithful. Severus is a lucky man. Do you know where to stay while you're searching the world for him?"

"Actually, I thought I would find a room somewhere. Then another somewhere else."

"Feel free to stay here as long as you need. As a guest. I won't ask anything in return, it's just... something for someone I consider like my grandson."

"Thank you Sir."

"Give it up, just call me Albus. I know you will end up teaching in this school, so you would call me by my name eventually."

Harry smiled and felt Fawkes' claws squeezing his shoulder. It sounded like he didn't have the choice. And he wasn't going to complain. Dumbledore arranged his stay at Hogwarts and two days after the students had gone Harry was at home again, and he had his own room, now. He was arranging books on a shelf when someone knocked at his door. As he invited his guest in, the door opened on Professor McGonagall. Harry was a bit surprised to see his former Head of House there.

"I have a message for you, Mr Potter."

"A message?"

"Severus will be waiting for you in Hogsmeade, at Hog's Head, tonight at 11 p.m."

Harry's eyes opened wide as he realized who she was talking about.

"You're Severus' Secret-Keeper? I can't believe it! I was seeing you all that time and I didn't realize... How is he?"

"Oh, don't worry, he's alright. But you'll see by yourself tonight."

She smiled and left. It was certainly the longest day in Harry's life. He spent it thinking about the happiness he had found with the man then the pain he had felt when he had gone. He remembered the hard time he had the first months after Severus left. The laugh when Hermione had offered him a photo she had found in the school's archives. He had used it as a bookmark since then and anytime he opened a book he could see Severus scowling at him. Then there was the shirt he's managed to steal from the dungeon, sneaking into Severus' now deserted room one night under his ever useful Invisibility Cloak. The shirt was too big for him but he was used to wear oversized clothes and this one had provided him a comforting nightshirt.

The night finally came and Harry couldn't wait to arrive at Hog's Head. He entered the pub and checked the tables around him but Severus was not in sight. After all, he was about 30 minutes early. He sat and ordered a drink. He was considering ordering a second one when the door opened to let a tall and dark figure in. Harry's heart was racing. He didn't have to wait for the man to lower his hood to recognize who it was. Severus looked around the room then headed towards Harry's table. When the man stopped in front of him Harry couldn't help standing and hugging him, satisfied to feel strong arms returning the hug.

"Severus... I missed you so much..."

"I missed you too. Minerva gave me some news but it was never enough."

"Are you coming back home?"

"Home? I already have a home. But I heard you were living at Hogwarts."

"I never left after the end of school. I've been offered shelter as long as I needed while I was looking for you. It didn't take long, though. But Professor Dumbledore wants me to stay to be a teacher."

"You could be the new Potions master. From what I heard, you're really good at Potions, now."

"I started with the best teacher I could have and then I wanted him to be proud of me."

"And you succeeded."

"Will you come back or will I have to decline the Headmaster's offer? Because if you don't come back I can assure you that you won't get rid of me this time. I'm not a student anymore, I'm old enough to decide with who I want to live."

"You've changed so much, Harry. You're not anymore the young boy I left. But you're still as stubborn!"

"Beware, it may be worse than you think."

Severus' eyes smiled. He sat and grabbed Harry's hand. How he had missed that simple contact of the boy's fingers on his own. Now that he had it back he just couldn't live without it again.

"Maybe... I could be of some use to make Potions for Madam Pomfrey..."

"Or you could be my assistant."

"What?!"

"You just said I could be the new Potions master. Alright, but I need an assistant, then."

"Do you really think I would give up the job to someone like you, incompetent enough to need an assistant? You'll be my assistant. I'll ask Albus to take me back. I think I miss terrorizing first years, anyway."

Harry smiled and felt his heart filling with hope. Images of what his life with the man could be filled his mind. He leaned over the table, his face closer to the other man's.

"You're coming home, then?"

"Of course I am."

Severus leaned to close the short distance between Harry's lips and his own.

_________________________

Back to HP fanart

© Isa Akane B. , 2003